Thursday, August 30, 2012

"I want you to know, this is the strangest thing I've ever done!"

 Thank you everyone, for your comments on my last post. Last night, after realizing I'd completely slaughtered chapter three, I was ready to give up all together. I probably sound like a whiner, but things like this are a struggle for me. I've studied grammar at least five times, the same things over and over, and I can never understand it. And last night, to find the last three chapters were still a mess, and I still have twenty two to go...then add my tired brain and all. Yeah, I was ready to give up. 
 All of your comments helped a lot, and some of them even made me laugh. So, today I pulled out my grammar book and flipped through it, scribbling down sentences on a legal pad. Sentences and things like, COULSON LIVES! I now feel a little better, and chapter four didn't turn out as horrible as chapter three, which I'm still dreading going over again. 

My friend and I are a bit guilty...

 However, the good news is I've been able to add things to the plot which I think will help it along. There's been a lot I've been able to do with Tony, and I love how it has turned out. (I'd give a bit of information but it would give away a lot from the later books.)

 Also! I now have vinegar so I can turn an egg into a kind of bouncy ball. (Don't tell my flatmate.) And now I'm going to end my ramblings because I have a feeling none of it makes any sense. 


 However, I've something to share as a kind of thank you for your thoughtful, helpful comments and prayers. (Oh yes, I've gotten a few leads on jobs. So if you wouldn't mind to keep praying I'd be grateful.) Anyhow, this isn't a very good thank you because I said I would reveal it today anyways. But, it is the best my worn out brain can come up with. 

 Also, bear in mind it isn't edited. I won't be releasing any of the edited scenes just yet. Later, when I've polished it, I will share the first couple lines from the book along with the none edited ones so you can see how it has changed.

Mine is fiction

 But here it is! The prologue! Keep in mind this will not be moved to the short stories page. This is the only post I will be putting it on. I hope you enjoy it. (I felt bad writing it, it is mean to do what I did to such a nice character as Peter. However, putting this in cleaned up the first chapter SO much! I was shocked. I was able to take out all the choppiness and dull bits. I'm still amazed at how much it helped the plot along.)

 (Sorry for the choppiness of this post.) Enjoy!!! 

Different shot of the one yesterday.


In which a Trust is Betrayed
London, England
The night was dark and cold, a chill wind cutting through the back allies, moaning in a most bone chilling manner. A man and a woman were slipping through the shadows, the woman shivering though it was impossible to tell if she was shivering from the cold or from the haunting sound which was almost worse then the cold. The man, a tall, broad shouldered fellow with handsome features that were hidden by the darkness, slipped a comforting arm over the woman's thin shoulders as they walked.
“It is going to be all right,” he whispered, his voice soothing in the darkness, “you'll see. We're nearly there. Once she learns of the danger we are in she will help us.”
The woman did her best to smile but it was obvious it took a great deal of willpower to force her thin lips to turn up. Tears sparkled in her eyes, visible even in the dim alley. “I trust you,” she whispered, her voice chocked with a sob, “it's just-”
The woman was cut off when an even darker shape emerged from the shadows in front of them. The woman screamed and grasped to the man tighter, he in turn reaching for something that was hidden under his thick coat. Before he could, however, the stranger pointed something shinny at the woman.
“It is too late, Noah Jones,” the stranger growled, a note of triumph in his voice.
The man, Noah Jones, stiffened. “You!” he gasped, his voice a mixture of pain, seething anger, and dreadful fear. “It can't be!”
The man in front of him smiled, and even in the dimness his white teeth began to gleam. “It is,” he reassured.
“But,” the woman was now shaking so much she could hardly stand and her husband had to keep her on her feet, “you, you can't do this!” she gasped faintly.
“Why not?” the man asked, fringing surprise and wonder. “This is war, is it not? And you two are traitors!”
Noah Jones bit his lower lip so hard he tasted blood. “We trusted you!” he yelled in anger.
“A foolish mistake on your part,” the man said, clicking his tongue as if in pity.
“What about Peter?” the woman sobbed. “What will you do to our son?”
The man's smile widened, turning even colder. “You see, that's the thing, isn't it, Olivia Jones? As of right now, Peter is still of some use. There may be a chance he will reveal to me everything I wish to know. Of course, if he doesn't, he will meet the same end as you two.”
“You will not harm my son!” Noah Jones yelled and made to draw his pistol.
A horrible shot cut through the thick darkness. Olivia Jones screamed as her husband gasped in pain, then his hand slipped from her shoulders and he crashed to the ground. She dropped beside him, grasping his hands, clinging to him, but it was too late. He was gone.
Laughing, the man stepped closer to the sobbing woman who was now laying over her husband's body, clinging to him for dear life. Her sobs were cutting and horrible but seemed to have no effect on the man who leveled his pistol at her. She looked up, tears streaming down her face, sorrow showing over every inch of her.
“Please,” she whispered around brokenhearted sobs, “my son. Please, spare him.”
For a moment the man appeared to be wavering. His eyes drifted to the dead body, then back to her tear stained face. Then he slowly shook his head, and pulled the trigger. 


 Well, what did you think?

 Allons-y!!!!!!

Photobucket

7 comments :

  1. Talk about starting with a BANG! Yikes. Terrifying. Thrilling. Sad. And...and...WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!!
    (Breathing in, breathing out...keep calm, cait.)
    If that excerpt says anything about what your book is going to hold -- I'm in. Sign me up to buy a copy.

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  2. Good grief. I leave for a day, and everything happens!

    If you ever need moral support, give me a shout and I will come and entertain you while you work or something. Because I know what editing is like, and it must be like 10 times harder when you're actually working towards getting published for real. Ugh.

    I'm still praying for you, just so you know. :)

    And sorry, Doctor, but I can't help it when the four years of television is about YOU! You have to understand. Four years of timey-wimey and wonderful hair...

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  3. I don't think they are coming back from that!
    And congratulations on the job leads.

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  4. Wow, sounds amazing!

    (This here is Justin posting)

    Sounds real neat. Yeah, Una didn't really give me a contract. She asked me if I'd do something for her and I said yes and she said, 'Great! You can get banished right away!' I had time to say 'what?' before I was run out of my kingdom. Darcy Steed seems like a really interesting character. Looking forward to meeting/reading about him.)

    (Una again)

    I can't leave Justin alone with my computer for five minutes without him giving away a spoiler. I'm thinking about posting some character interviews on my blog, just so everyone can see what a pain he is. Good luck with editing!

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  5. Grammar. Ugh. I hate grammar. Keep going! There is nothing more frustrating than not understanding something. I totally get it... Math is my enemy. I simply do not understand how -7x(-6) can = a positive number.
    Sometimes you just gotta accept things without understanding them... and sometimes you just gotta go with your gut.
    Sure, good books have good spelling and punctuation and stuff, but a book won't be any good if all that is forced. Don't focus so much on the grammar that it squeezes out the plotline. Just let it run naturally. =)

    The lady who plays Watson's wife and the Pepper Potts lady (I love that name) and the other lady could be triplets!!
    Coulson and the guy from MIB do look like each other as well! Man.... I really need to see the Avengers movie!

    Ooooo post your findings about the egg-bouncy ball! I would love to see how it turns out!

    My opposite characters are really fun... They are even better because I'm stealing them from Shakespeare. xD Dogberry and Verges from Much Ado About Nothing. I'm kind of making them more opposites than they really are... but Dogberry is just too funny.

    I haven't seen Rose's family tree... But I'd love to hear it! =D
    Haha I LOVED all the references in Christmas Invasion! There were lots!

    I completely agree with everything you said about the second season of Sherlock. I hope the third will be much better... Did you hear the three teaser words for the thrid series that Moffat realised? Rat, wedding, and bow. Thoughts? The wedding might be Watson and Mary... I really hope so, I LOVE The Sign of Four. I think it's a great plot. Plus it's got that guy with the funny name and red hair. He's fun.

    We should post pictures of our poor red shirt gingerbread men when Christmastime comes along. xD

    The driving... hasn't gone yet. xD My first driving class starts next Saturday. It will be interesting. This will be my first time in a class with non-homeschoolers without my two best friends. Ever. So I will just have to trust God. =)

    I LOVE your prologue!! I really want to know what happens next! I'll definitely buy a copy as well when it comes out! How cool! I can't wait! Ahh! I want to find out what happens next! Poor Peter...

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  6. Now that's what I'd call an evil author prolouge. It's got me wondering what on earth is going to happen, and really wanting to find out more! Certainly looking forward to the novel when you finally finish it :)

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