Wednesday, January 16, 2013

"What's normal?" "What's home?" "What's a cow?"

 I'm an author, and as such people think I'm good with words. Aren't I supposed to be? I spend all day writing them, so doesn't that mean I'm a clever, intelligent person? I sometimes wonder if this is one of the reasons I took a pen name. If that maybe I don't wish to be known as an author - which is odd as I've wished to be one since I was very young.

 I sometimes feel I muff the image of author. Not only when I talk - though especially then - but when I post. Even in  my writing I feel I don't live up to the title. 
 In real life I stutter over my words, stammer, and am so slow in answering questions people usually answer them themselves. I am left alone, thought to be the sweet, shy girl who never does anything wrong. (By this I mean the usual stuff girls my age are thought to do.)

 When people who know me learn I write books I get an odd glance. Kind of like, "I find this bit of information hard to believe."

 And all this follows me about when I post or comment. After all, as an author, shouldn't I be writing witty posts which make my readers laugh and cry and beg for more? Shouldn't my comments be thought provoking, helpful, and full of wisdom? Usually my posts sound like a long ramble and my comments something like my real life stammers. Because, in spite of my love for words, I never know what to say.

 Maybe this has to do with my shyness. Maybe I spent too many years silently studying people and not enough learn how to carry on a simple conversation. (This is something I still do. I spend most of my time at work trying to deduce people. What can I say, Sherlock Holmes training.)

 If I were to be honest this fact worries me sometimes. I want to be an author, but how can I keep writing when I never know what to say? What if my posts start to get boring and I loose all my readers - and my new friends? What if I run out of things to put into books. (This is the part where my characters roll their eyes at me.) And, even more so, how am I ever to make friends in real life when the moment someone talks to me I start to babble like an idiot?

 Shouldn't I be better at this? Shouldn't I have the ability to answer someone without having a panic attack and my mind going blank while I rush about madly for something to say? Shouldn't I be able to comment on posts and sound like all those other wonderful authors? Must I be a misfit not only in the real world but in the writing one as well?

 And then, I have to remind myself what all this comes down to. Fear of man. Fear of what people think of me. This is a fear I've fought my whole life and one I coward behind for a long time. I thought everyone wished me to be a tomboy, to scoff at girly things, so I did just this. 
 I worried about working on publishing my book because of what others would think. I've not sought out a job I love because I didn't wish to annoy people I knew. (A rather miserable way to pass through life.)

 This is just another side effect of the fear I have to face. The author who cannot carry on a conversation, who isn't great at leaving comments full of wisdom. An author who writes posts about the kids books she reads. (And swallowing down my pride and admitting I like reading kid's books more then young adult or adult.)

 And now that I've left a rather pessimistic post (is that the word for it?) I shall brighten things up a little with a few announcements.

 I have been working on the summery for The Broken Blade which I'd like to have done before I introduce the first character. However, wherein summeries are tricky for me to write, The Broken Blade is proving to be ten times more tricky then any of the others before it.

 On better summery news, Abolished Impracticality's summery is done and ready to be released. Just have to pick a date...Actually, I have a date but I'm going to keep it secret till the end of this post.

 Lastly, I've a question for all of you. Which of the following stories sounds the most interesting to you?

 A tale about a dragon.
 A prince who must set out to save a princess in order to become king - with somewhat disastrous results.
 A re-telling of Robin Hood?

 I'd love to know your thoughts!
 And right now I'm going to leave because I found the movie of Howl's Moving Castle at the library and want to watch it. 

 But, before I go, as I said...
 I will be posting the summery for Abolished Impracticality on Friday! 
 Also, don't forget to vote on which Broken Blade character you'd like to meet!

 Quote is from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. During this part Arthur and Trisha (the two main characters) are contemplating earth's destruction while the president of the Universe is contemplating...cows.




  1. You---you---you call that *points up to post* non-witty and ramble-jambled??? Nonsense Lewis! Pull yourself together. You're a writer, remember?

    You are one of the great artists of the world, crafting books out of letters and syllables. And everyone knows that all artists of the world are a bit more complicated on the inside then the outside. We have dreams within dreams and worlds within worlds.
    But that also means awkwardness when we go out and face the big wide world (often referred to as the wild blue yonder).

    Don't doubt yourself. After all, nobody else is.

    On you less-pessimistic note, I am excited to hear the upcoming scoop on your work. *does little dance*
    Also, a tale about a dragon peaks my interest.


  2. I love dragons!

    Doubts are normal -- for the normal -- are you normal?

    I have doubts, and yet I am far from normal so where does that leave me? You?

    1. I'm the furthest thing from normal a person can get. (Or is it farthest?)
      But yes, doubts are a part of life. Maybe it keeps us odd people from being completely Alien.

  3. Wow. Just wow. I totally laughed out loud when I read this post (waaaait. that sounds kind of mean). But seriously now! I identify!! I do! I do! I'm the "shy quiet girl who never gets into trouble". And then I turn around and write dark creepy fantasy novels. I can't hold a conversation to save my life and I stuff everything backwards. Like, "Want to movie a watch?" So thanks, Jack. I'm not alone!!!

    PS I pick the tale about a dragon. I think the other two are a little overdone. ;)

  4. If in doubt, ask people their opinion of popcorn.

    Grrr ... all three of those options sound like something I want to read. Ummmm .... maybe the second sounds best?

    I'm told that the movie is different from the book. I've watched the movie, and I think I enjoyed it. It was a long time ago, so I don't really remember.

    My character has a crush on Arthur because she was in a RP with him. She liked to dump buckets of water on his head. I've actually only seen half an episode. It was interesting, and I'd probably watch more ... if I had access to them.

  5. Jack~

    Stop that. Just seriously, stop. You are amazing! Being shy and quirky and awkward doesn't make you not awesome. I mean... if that were so, my entire family wouldn't be awesome. And a lot of us bloggers are all shy. Me? I'm the girl who hates going into the posts office, or trying on shoes, because I get uncomfortable. Frankly, I think you have one of the best blogs I read. It's always good, it's always fun, and always well-written. I don't usually read reviews of movies or books, but yours I do. (Eeeeh, I'm sounding kind of fangirly. Which is really, really weird.) Just... don't sell yourself short. I know, I don't know you that well, but what I do know I really like. I wish we lived nearer each other, I'd like to meet you sometime)

    ANYWAY! Ugh. I hate writing summaries. I get tangled up in the details and the summary ends up being a four page novel. haha! Good luck!

    Oh... oh oh. Do a re-telling of Robin Hood! Please! Pretty please! Because I just finished the most awful and disappointing retelling... It's called Scarlet. Do not ever read it. It sounds good, the cover looks good, but it's really awful. Bad descriptions, an obscene amount of blashemy, bad character developement... just... bad everything. The girl... is the typical, "I don't need boys! I hate boys! I kiss EVERY boy! I love Robin. But I hate boys." and she made me want to curl up with Howl's Moving Castle and cry. So please. Do a retelling of Robin Hood. You'd do it way better. :D

    Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. *Grin*

  6. ~*pats back* Don`t worry, I`m shy and awkward too! We can be the awkward sisters =) I always get nervous around people, and I worry if I bore them with my conversations. ><
    ~I don`t understand, your writing is epic! I enjoy reading what you write here! There`s feeling and all! Can`t wait for the summary!! ^^
    ~Also, I like me some dragons. They`re... magical. =3
    ~*gasps!* HOWL`S MOVING CASTLE!!! Studio Ghibli!! *fangirls* Have fun watching it, it`s awesome!! =D
    ~Oya, I watched Sherlock Season 1 episode 1, so epic!! Gonna watch the next one later ^^

  7. ~*pats back* Don`t worry, I`m shy and awkward too! We can be the awkward sisters =) I always get nervous around people, and I worry if I bore them with my conversations. ><
    ~I don`t understand, your writing is epic! I enjoy reading what you write here! There`s feeling and all! Can`t wait for the summary!! ^^
    ~Also, I like me some dragons. They`re... magical. =3
    ~*gasps!* HOWL`S MOVING CASTLE!!! Studio Ghibli!! *fangirls* Have fun watching it, it`s awesome!! =D
    ~Oya, I watched Sherlock Season 1 episode 1, so epic!! Gonna watch the next one later ^^

  8. Jack ~ What Teresa said. There is a very odd notion about these days that people are *supposed* to be intensely social all the time - that if you don't get out and talk to people, there is something wrong with you. It is a false notion, peculiar to our very odd modern age. Just ignore it, and go on happily being yourself.

    And don't worry if you can't write sometimes. All authors go through that. Poor Tolkien gave up on his first draft of The Lord of the Rings when the company reached the Mines of Moria - and he had publishers breathing down his neck. It ended up being for the best, however, because otherwise there would have been no Samwise Gamgee, Aragorn would have been a hobbit named Trotters, and Frodo's name would have been Bingo. (No, I am not making that up.)

  9. Jack, that's part of what makes you, you. Your long rambly posts are enjoyable to read, and your comments make my day. When you write, you actually sound like a real person, and not a stuffy old book from a huge library - something many people, even authors, would be jealous of. In fact, that's what got me reading your blog - it wasn't boring. You don't write about the typical, boring stuff that many bloggers do.
    You are unique, and that is nothing to be ashamed about.

  10. Yolanda is so correct...doubts are normal and to not doubt would be abnormal :)

  11. I feel exactly the same way, I'm horrible at talking to people, just the thought of a party full of small talk *shudder*
    I'm a writer for goodness sake, I should be full of witty comebacks and other conversational gems, shouldn't I? =P

    Definitely Robinhood, I love re-tellings of Robinhood!!!

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  13. Oh, I ramble and stutter and stumble over my words when I talk to people. I'm much better in email. :)

    And I love the idea of a re-telling of Robin Hood.

  14. Almost feels as if you've been peeking into my life. LOL. I've always wondered if to be a writer, one must be shy, recluse, and generally to be found in dreamland.

    I love dragons, so I'd probably pick #1. The second one would interest me more if it was the Princess who had to say the Prince in order for him to be King.

  15. I love the idea of the princes saving the princess, a novel one in this day and age! I know if I were a princess I would want a prince to save me from the dragon. Oooh wait I am and He did!

    Sorry that's just one of my soap boxes {the prince doing the dragon slaying and the princess doing the encouraging and bearing up}

    But seriously my dear jack we love you the way you are and we love your posts which if ramble-jambled are funny and lightsome and enjoyable to the enth degree

  16. Ah, Miss Jack, I completely understand. I'm almost annoyed that I didn't choose a pen name for that very reason- when people meet you knowing you're a writer it's like that have set expectations of what you should be like. Scary.

    But like Anne-girl said, we love you just the way you are! I always love reading your posts :)

    oh- and Prince/Princess please!!! And if you added a dragon to that I would not be opposed :)

  17. Ah- Treskie- seriously! I JUST tried reading Scarlet and did not finish it... it was so disappointing. :( Actually reviewing it though.

  18. Sooooo....everyone has given you plenty to think on, so maybe I'll just back off and let you contemplate what they have to say. But I will admit, I feel the same way, every time I go to write...anything...
    And hey, what about combining ALL three ideas? That would be awesome! And fun! And origonal, too. It could be done... :D
    Yeah, I should figure out how to boycott them, lol!!!

  19. I want to hear more about the dragon idea.

    I'm a much better writer than conversationalist (at least, to myself). what I mean to say that writing comes easier to me than talking. Which is why you and I have never had good talks, even though we used to see each other almost every day!

    But I love reading your posts. And I just saying, I am having a hard time finding your newly published book. You should have a nice big bright link somewhere obvious! I will keep trying.

  20. oh, Jack!! You and I are a lot alike, I think! I'm so much the same way about people. I'm terribly shy and care way too much what people think of me. Plus, I'm not clever or witty or smart. I know the feeling. I sympathize deeply.
    though, from what I know of you from here, on your blog, you're fantastic. adorable, sweet, witty (yep), and fun. ^_^
    Dragons are good. OOH Robin Hood!! :D :D I love every telling of that story. ^_^ It's so good. <3
    P.S. The title? Love love it!! xD That movie is hilarious.

    1. P.P.S. I replied to your comment on my blog from the Sherlock post before I remembered that you prolly won't even see it and like getting replies here! lol. so here it is:

      "yup. He's to amazing to be dead. He lived from pure awesome. and probably magic. and the Doctor may have assisted....
      Yes! Oh my. Yeah. John was *so* sad...

      I think I'd like it too! Maybe I'll get around to watching it sometime. ^_^

  21. xD I get the sense that I started in the wrong place with Doctor Who. Every single friend I've told that has gone 'NOOOO You need to go back and start with Rose!' So that's what I'll do, since I want to judge this show properly.

    I don't like Fever's mum either. She's fishy.

    Also, I stutter and stumble over my words as well. I forget which word I'm trying to use, or use the completely wrong word while I'm trying to convey what I'm thinking. Being a writer doesn't make you a speaker, any more than being a speaker makes you a writer. (I know plenty of speakers who have wowed me and then I read there books and go '...Oh. Meh.')

    And I think the dragon book sounds most interesting because DRAGONS.

    I look forward to the release of the summary tomorrow!

  22. Ok, it wasn't just me that was having those self doubt days.
    Its normal to do some soul searching every now and again, but I think us writers/artists do it like one time a day, and it becomes more like cross examination and then un-healthy. I would rather be in my room in a book or writing one than seeing people. I usually am just quiet. I think writing is your outlet, thats how it seems to me, and if sometimes your blog posts are rambling or arbitrary, theres nothing wrong with that. As long as your being true to you than that will come through and the people who don't get you don't matter. you cant worry about that, people come and go but you, will always be you. Please make no apologies for that.
    You are you and as long as you know what can be improved, and are willing to improve yourself than theres nothing to worry about. The way I see it is that every person growl a little every day.
    not all at once. And I have read your snippets I don't think you have a problem with being clever, its just those cursed self doubt. I hope you feel better about your self today than you did yesterday.
    Oh and before I forget to answer your comment on my recent post, I will have to say the best recent book I have read is Forbidden by Ted Dekker, he's one of my favorite authors, its the first in a trilogy. Also King Solomon's mines, I haven't finished it but its a neat story so far. Theres nothing wrong with liking children's fiction, I go to the library just to get fairy tales, I love the andrew lang ones, though I haven't read all of the books. I love howl's moving castle.
    Anyway, I hope you had a good day,
    blessings ~ Rachel Hope
    Ps robin hood, maybe that and a dragon ?

  23. Oh Jack your posts are delightful and I love reading them. You don't sound like a 'rambling idiot' at all. You are brilliant. Dont forget that. Ever. Don't worry about giving Author's a bad name - you certainly do not. Your the reason I look at authors in a different light. (Well, you and Kat.) I think all bloggers underestimation themselves and feel like all they do is ramble aimlessly about stupid, random things. Your not. you have been very godd for me in the book world and your 'wise advice' is very helpful! I lock it away for later. (Really, I do.) So keep going! You are doing fine, and I love your blog and books. You, Jack, Are Awesome.

    I like " A re-telling of Robin Hood" It sounds cool.

    I has a blog now! But it is still in the 'editing' process. When it is ready for public view I'll send you the link.

    God Bless

    PS - The Doctor just scolded you for being so mean to yourself. He says you are brilliant and that you are not allowed to think otherwise. He says you are more than brilliant - your spectacular. And you know what? Anyone who is remotely interesting is a bit crazy.

  24. PS -

    Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy is SO FUNNY! I only watch it for Martin Freeman - he is a brilliant Arthur.

    Now stop being stupid, everyone loves you and thinks you are wonderful. Its okay to be shy, but never say you're stupid. *Frown*


  25. I love children's books too, Jack! I write MG novels! Who cares what others think? Read what you enjoy!

    As for what book to write... all of them! Mix them up in a stew and serve it!

    ~Robyn Hoode

    1. Aye. Children's books are so full of wild, impossible adventures which only children can believe. So much more fun then young adult and adult books.

      (I kind of did mix all the books. *Grin* In the princess book it has a bit of all three. That one was fun to write.)

  26. You are you who are and you should stick by that. Not that that is something I've always known myself. ;) Too much pressure is put on authors and people in general today to be something they're not. There is such a thing as growth, yes, but forcing someone to conform to your standards of personality isn't right. Keep doing what you're doing! It's all you. :)

    Visions of Other Worlds

  27. Aw, don't worry about it too much. I'm the same way. The quiet girl in the corner who doesn't seem to ever get in trouble. And conversations are disastrous! Unless the other person knows how to navigate them. Yes, we are good with words. But we are writers, not speakers. Meaning we are good with written words, not verbal words. Or at least that's what I tell myself. :P
    As for the story. Hm, I will say the tale about a dragon. Every good fantasy has to have a dragon of sorts, right? :)
    I might just have to read this Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy. It sounds interesting.

    1. I think conversations are one of the hardest things to master. They can be so tricky.

      And aye, stories in general are better with a dragon, even more so if it is a fantasy story. Dragons keep things interesting.

      I don't know how the Hitchhiker book is, but the movie was fun. (And it has Martin Freeman in it.) *Grin*

  28. I'm going to go ahead and add my two cents. :D

    You have a brilliant blog! I love's one of my favorites. Your writing is always so fun to read and you sound like *you* and that's a very good thing. (I suddenly feel like quoting that part in Tintin where Haddock gives Tintin the pep-talk, "You hit a wall, you push through it!... *Ahem* yes. :)
    Besides, small-talk isn't all it's cracked up to be. Just a bunch of fluffy conversation that isn't important. *Smirk* And, no, I don't just say that out of jealousy. lol.

    People watching is SO important for writers! It's, like, the best way to get good material. Oh, and it makes you feel like a spy, which is cool.

    Children's books, I find, are usually way more fun than young adult. For some reason, once you hit young adult, it's time to get gritty and realistic. And I'm like, "Who wants gritty and realistic? I like reading about completely wild and fantastical things, thank you very much!" And I hate how many young adult books are about boyfriend/girlfriend issues. *Blah.*

    Anyway, keep up the good work. Your blog is delightful. I am right there with Treskie, I wish we lived closer and could actually meet. How fun would that be? A few shy, slightly awkward girls getting together for a starbucks? *Nods* I think that could work!

    Oh, and for the record, you leave some of the best comments ever! :D No worries on that point.

    I hope I don't sound totally cheesy. *Grin*

    God Bless!

    Cheers <3

  29. I SO get this. Basically all of it. And I think you're selling yourself short, because you managed to find words to express things I've struggled with for a long time. Really good words, too; I should add.

    Anyway. Yes, I'm the shy, quiet girl like you, except around people I'm close with, so it always surprises people when I have something to say. I'm trying to be more outgoing and initiate conversations myself (scary!), and surprisingly it feels good. :D

    What an insightful post, Jack. Thank you for sharing it -- and I really mean that. As C.S. Lewis said, "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

  30. I should add -- I think you leave awesome, witty comments :D What's so very nice about you, Jack, is that you sound like you're really listening when people talk, like you're really interested in what they have to say, even if they're just going on and on about themselves. (When I say 'they' I really mean me)

    That is such a valuable gift. I don't mind if you don't have much to say. It's such an awesome feeling to know that someone is really listening, no matter how inane my chatter is. <3


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