Wednesday, February 13, 2013

"She's running in those heels? Seriously?"

 In honour of Valentine's Day, I'm going to attempt to turn into a sap and post a Valentine's story. This isn't the one I really want to do, I can't do that one on account of spoilers. But, maybe next year.
 This story answers a question Peter had in Haphazardly Implausible. Do Air Pirates really have a girl in every port?

 But, anyhow, Happy Valentine's Day.

 A Girl In Every Port?

 Sometimes being dashing and famous had its draw backs. Sometimes. Or maybe being dashing and handsome and famous - not to mention French - should have had its draw backs. After all, he was six feet tall, had great hair, brown eyes - and everyone knew brown eyes were soft and deep, holding many secrets - and he wore an eye patch. Add all that to his sense of fashion and girls should have been chasing after him, or at the very least baking him cookies.

 Captain Shamus Steed stood on the Air Pirate docking port and looked at the jagged cliffs surrounding him. Scotland held one of the best ports in the whole world, one which was not only well hidden from prying eyes but which was built directly onto the side of a mountain. Boardwalks led up from the docks to the taverns and trading houses above.

 "You know we really don't have anything to trade with." Darcy stood at his side, hand in pockets, eyes scanning those milling about the suspended docks.

 Steed scowled because he had no comeback. He knew it bad policy to discuss personal matters with younger siblings, especially when such matters involved the young woman who stood a few feet away. Eva. She had no last name, at least none that Steed had been able to find. He'd seen her  here more then once, but had been able to learn little about her. He didn't even know if she worked in one of the taverns or if she was an Air Pirate herself. He couldn't even gather anything from her clothing. It was a known fact all Air Pirates had an impeccable sense of style, yet all he'd ever seen Eva in was a simple brown dress and tall black boots, her dark brown hair worn loose around her shoulders.

 "Yes we do," Steed took his eyes from Eva and turned part of his attention to Darcy, "we have all those eggs we stole."

 Darcy winced, one eyebrow twitching. "Please tell me you're not being serious."

 "Why wouldn't I be?" Steed demanded.

 "We're Air Pirates, big brother. We have a reputation to uphold. Do you know how bad it sounds to walk into the trading houses with eggs and tell everyone we mistakenly attacked a farmhouse and that was all we could get away with?"

 Steed had no reply for that. Instead he pointed back to the Black Beard. "I'm going to start some transactions. Go back on board and pack up the eggs."

 "You can't be serious," Darcy groaned, but obediently turned and marched back to the airship.

 Once he was alone, Steed did his best to fix his hair, then smooth out some of the wrinkles in his coat. He looked back at Eva and put his most charming smile on. No matter what, he was determined to at least get her last name today.

 Squaring his shoulders, Steed swaggered over to the young woman. She hadn't moved much, standing near another Zeppelin, her sea green eyes darting about as if taking in everything. Everything but him. She didn't even look up when he stopped in front of her. Steed had to clear his throat twice to get her attention.

 "Hello," he said when the sea green eyes met his brown ones. He laid on the French accent extra thick, just to be safe.

 "Hello." Her voice was light, soft, and yet it held something almost lethal to it.

 Looking into those eyes, which gave him no hint as to what kind of girl she might be, Steed's mind almost went blank but he forced himself to stay focused. He was French, after all. Charm came as easy to him as eating pastries.

 "My name is Captain Shamus Steed," he said, bowing rather then holding out his hand for a shake. 

 "Eva," she answered as he straightened back up. Not what he'd been hoping for. He couldn't even place her accent.

 "Eva," he repeated, rolling her name off his tongue to an attempt to make it sound like the sweetest word since croquembouche. (A cream puff covered in caramel.) "What a beautiful name." As he spoke he reached out, took her small hand in his, and kissed it. She didn't resist, nor did she willingly move her arm. In fact, she just stood there, not one form of expression crossing her face.

 "Hm," she murmured.

 Steed realized he was slipping fast. He released her hand and cleared his throat. "Are you here for the trades?" he asked, motioning to the airship behind her.


 Finally! He had something.

 "I am too," he smiled, "that is my ship over there." He motioned to the Black Beard with grandeur.

 "I see," she said.

 "My crew and I just returned from a - raid." He tried to keep himself from stumbling but wasn't sure what to call it. Did one call it a raid when they mistakenly stole chicken eggs?

 "Good for you." He still couldn't place her accent, though it encouraged him a little over the fact he was getting more words out of her.

 "Some of us almost didn't make it," he said, laying his hand on his sword. This was partly true. On the way out of the hen coop Alfie had smacked his head on the door frame, fallen into a nest, and almost got plucked to death by an overly fat hen which would have made someone a nice dinner. He might not have made it if Darcy hadn't saved him. Both had the bandages to prove their skirmish - Darcy's wound on the hand and Alfie's right above the eye.


 That blew it. Now they were back to one word sentences.

 "Who is the captain of your airship?" Steed ventured. "Maybe I can talk to him about doing some trade."

 Eva's eyes finally showed something, and it wasn't something Steed had been hoping for. It was a cross between insanity and the look Darcy got whenever things got especially dull on board the Zeppelin.

 "The captain is lost," Eva said. Her voice dropped lower and her eyes darted from side to side.

 "Lost?" Steed whispered, not sure he wanted to know.

 Eva leaned closer."Lost. We lost our captain." She grinned almost deviously.

Five words out of her, and Steed was suddenly wishing they could go back to one. "How do you loose a captain?" he ventured.

 "By taking him fishing," her grin widened, "want to go fishing, captain?"

 Steed moved back as fast as he could. "Um - no, no thanks. I'm not much a fisherman. I usually, you know - avoid fish."

 She moved closer. "Fishing is fun. Maybe we can find a captain."

 Every muscle in Steed's body was posed, ready to turn and run, but before he could do so someone shouted from the Zeppelin behind them.


 Eva turned and looked at a man dangling from a ladder swinging under the airship.

 "What?" she called back.

 "We're ready to start unloading."

 "Be right there!" 

 Steed stared in opened mouth amazement as the man scrambled back up the ladder and Eva turned to smile at him. All insanity was gone from her eyes and the blank look was back.

  "Bye," she said, then turned around and climbed up to her airship. Steed didn't move, just watched as her billowing skirt vanished into the ship. How long he stood there he wasn't sure, but when someone laid a hand on his arm - causing him to jump and have a mini heart attack - it felt like hours.

 "Steed?" Kirk was at his side, two baskets of eggs at his feet.

 "What?" Steed gasped, trying to not look as if he'd just almost fallen over from fright.

 "We're ready. We have all the - eggs."

 Steed peered down at the basket and blinked. "Oh, eggs. Good. Eggs are good."

 "Are you okay?" Kirk looked at him closely. "And what are you doing standing near Eva's airship? Haven't you heard, she's a little - batty."

 Stooping over, Steed picked up one of the baskets. "That's putting it mildly. Come on, lets get rid of these eggs and get out of here."
 Happy Valentine's Day! Quote is from Psych. It actually reminds me of a friend of mine who ran in heels, very high and dangerous ones.




  1. Aw! Romantic Steed!! XD I love this bit: "Eva. She had no last name, at least none that Steed had been able to find." So awesome...

  2. I loved it Jack :) Happy Valentine's Day!!

  3. Great writing---I totally enjoyed this. Thanks, Jack! :)

  4. Loverly, Jack! I have questions now about Eva... is she the captain, was the former captain the bait, and did she really mean fishing?

    ~Robyn Hoode

    1. I don't even think she knows what she wait, I know she doesn't. And she didn't bother telling me. I think she was once the captain but not sure if she is now. (My characters like to keep me in the dark.) And she might have meant fishing, but I think she meant pushing Steed in a lake. (Again, she wasn't clear on it.)

  5. This is hilarious! I love your wit. Eva is, well, a bit odd. Maybe he's French, but Captain Shamus might need to be more careful when he talks to strange women. :)
    Psych! That show is funny. It's good to when you've had a hectic week. Just relax and laugh. :)

    1. I shall pass your message on to him but I don't think he will listen. Though if he might have saved him some trouble in the books. Then again...if he had then...okay, can't go on. Spoilers.

      Aye, Psych is really funny. I've been enjoying it a lot.

  6. Fun! I especially like the 'after all he was French' line :)

  7. How cute! And definitely funny. I liked the Eva character...She had a sense of humor that was not lost on me :p

  8. Poor Steed. I think he'll be a bit jumpy for the next day. Girls like Eva can be intimidating.

    Thank you for sharing Lewis, I and other readers are grateful! =)

    Also, I am glad that you still like my this point, I could use all the encouragement I can get. =P

  9. Hee hee hee... I giggled. That was great! I hope this makes it into The Short Story Collection #2 (If there ever is one). Didn't you once share a story about Captain Hogan and Louis and Lewis as well? (Oh my word... I just realised you have a character named Lewis in your book and one of your names is Lewis. *facepalm* I will never be Sherlock Holmes. We've lived in our house 10 years and I just realised the other night that my parent's bathroom is purple).

    Next Generation is really good. It's so super cool... And Data (who likes SH) is one of the best characters.
    DS9 is really great as well.
    Yeah, skip the new one (unless it's to see the puppy because Porthos is sooo adorably amazing!)
    I suppose it's sort of a good thing that the Original series got canceled when it did, because then you don't really have to say goodbye to the characters, because you never actually see them leaving! However, the end of the first Next Generation movie (titled "Generations") is pretty sad....
    Oh yeah, and Scotty makes a guest apperance in Next Generation! So does McCoy. He's in the first epiosode. So does Spock and his dad.... And I think Chekov is in one of the Next Gen. movies.

    I can't even imagine Sherlock standing at the alter.... That would be SO weird! Unless it was part of an elaborate plot. Strangely, the only Sherlock I can imagine at the altar is E-Lock.

    xD I'm sure Moriarty would love to BURN lots of things... It's kind of hard to imagine him not coming back to Sherlock. I wonder if it was kind of a mistake to introduce him so early, because no other baddy can really compare with him.

    Those British. I think we should give them to Moriarty to BURN! xD Kidding... I wouldn't wish that on them.... maybe.
    Aside from the characters dying, Downton Abbey is really good! It's kind of like a British soap opera set in the early 1900's (especially season 3). At the same time, it acurately portrays history and has cool characters. I really liked season 2 because it took place in WWI and a number of the characters have to go into the trenches.
    There are some innapropriate parts... (Of couse). Several "bedroom" scenes (between married and non-married couples) and one male character is, erm... He likes men. And then they make you feel sorry for him. Which I'm trying not to because his lifestyle is sinful. He's also pretty mean...
    Anyway, yes, it is a good show, despite it's flaws.

    Moby Dick is coming along pretty good! I'm behind on reading... I need to catch up over the weekend. It's surprisingly really funny! And then there are the long, boring, whaling chapters.... But it's pretty good.

    Oh my word. Jaspert, Newkirk, and Borvil as spies. That is BRILLIANT! I can just see Borvil in a little fedora... Hee hee. Their cover can be journalists, and Eddie Malone can be their representative in the United States.
    Speaking of Leviathan... There's an asteroid headed towards earth right now and on our local news station they said the last time an asteroid had a "close encounter" with earth, was in 1908, when it actually hit the earth, making all those trees fall down. I immidiately thought, "TELSA! GOLIATH! COOL!"

    I keep hearing eerie things about the Silence.... I don't know if I'm excited to meet them or not.
    The Angels are definitely very cool. And creepy. Tonight I'm going to watch the second half of the episode with them. I can't wait! And then the Doctor and Amy go to Venice... and meet... Vampires? Hm. I've heard good things about that episode. It shall be interesting.
    Eleven has been growing on me. But Nine and Ten are still my favorites. =)
    And I like Amy so far, too. I wasn't sure I was going to. But I do like her. I had the same thing with Martha.

  10. Aww, poor Steed. *Grin* That was just not his day. That was a really fun story. It made me laugh. Even though I did feel bad for Steed...

    It's too bad that Josh's CD just downloaded. *Sigh* But you're so right, there are so many worse things you could buy by accident. Do you have a favorite song on his new album yet? Or is it pretty much impossible for you to pick a favorite?

    Alright, do you like Tetley tea or Kahlua coffee better?

    Did you know there is a pineapple in every episode of Psych? It's fun to keep an eye out for it. :D Sometimes they're sneaky about how they get it in there.
    "Would you like to split this pineapple with me?"....Hehehe. Love it.


  11. That was ... amusing. The poor chickens.

    I'm glad you like Elsie's advice. She's actually from my sister's sci-fi series, but she likes to sneak onto my blog. Her love interest is from a group of people who glow, and his name is Moon, so when she says that the "Moon blew up and turned pink" she means that she got him mad at her, since his light takes on a reddish hue when he's angry.

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