Tuesday, February 19, 2013

"The same way I know all Lassie wanted as a child was a pony." "Come on, what kid didn't."

 Some people don't consider writing as a job. They think Authors have it easy and scoff when we call what we do work. I have learned to blow this off - I'd like to see them sit down day after day to write when words won't come or to edit. Okay, edit. I'd love to see them edit and see how long they last.

 But, as Authors, we must admit it. If we look at life through their eyes, we do seem to have it pretty good, right? So, this is to all of you Authors and non-Authors out there. A little something to cheer up all you hard working Authors and make all you non-Authors believe you were right in the ease of our job.

 Wherein Jack lists perks of being an Author.

 1. We get to go to work in our jim jams. Forget black suits, pencil skirts, and ties. My work uniform consists of feety, leopard print PJs. And there went some of my credibility. 

 2. Going to the Zoo, for a hike, visiting a museum, or another state or country counts as research and is encouraged. (Especially visiting other countries. And trying all their food - though I would warn you to avoid Russian bacon, just saying.)

 3. Eating chocolate helps and is strongly advised.

 4. An Author's office consists of their quite bedroom, living room, a park on a summer's day, a beach, a beach house with an ocean view, the local coffee shoppe, tea shoppe, book store, restaurant...what can we say? We like food.

 5. Watching BBC totally counts as work. Not only does it help with inspiration and getting Authors into good writing moods, we gather all kinds of ideas from the plots and costumes and characters and the agony of saying goodbye to someone we love - and then passing that agony on to our readers.

 6. On that same note, watching movies and TV shows also counts as work, even if they aren't BBC. There is a lot of inspiration to be had from them.

 7. We are masters of talking to ourselves in British accents. 

 8. We get to make readers suffer. And if you are human, this is a perk to any job. We all love throwing a bit of torture into someone else's life.

 9. If we get annoyed with our fellow co-workers (characters) we always have the option of pushing them off a cliff.

 10. We can play our music as loud as we like. And music is strongly encouraged to listen to.

 11. Learning to fence, shoot a gun, a bow, or throw a knife also counts as research.

 12. Reading is not only encouraged it is required. Therefore, spending a whole day reading counts as work. 

 13. Going for long walks also counts as work as it helps to clear one's head.

 14. If we wish to be alone we can always chase everyone off with the words, "Leave me alone! I am killing a character and if you don't scat I might have to use you as a test subject!"

 15. We have the ability to freak people out by our weird mood changes. (And this is a perk just because it is fun to watch people get freaked out.)

 16.  We are the world's best stalkers. Our knowledge of complete strangers, and all the random facts we know about our friends - facts they think they keep well hidden - is enough to put Sherlock to shame.

  How about all you Authors? What are some of the perks you like about your job?

 I give up on telling you where the quotes are from. I'll just let you take wild guesses for awhile....a long while. I have a whole lot more. (It's a very quotable TV show I guess.)




  1. And this ^^^ is why I'm an author.

    "Oh, being an author is easy."

    "Yep, putting you down in my next book. As the annoying butthead everyone hates. Yep."

    (OK, so I don't say that, but I'm THINKING IT.)

  2. 17. You can randomly quote your insane characters and relish the odd looks that people give you.

    18. You can still have imaginary friends at eighteen, and no one thinks twice about it.

  3. ^^Perfect post^^

    Oh, you're so right! Even though I don't consider myself a proper author -- just a writer -- I do get all those benefits. And I do get a lot of scepticism from people who think I should be doing something more "successful".

    I can't think of anymore benefits, because yours were all so funny and clever, but I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said.

  4. LOVE this list. Mostly true (except anything that involves the BBC and English accents for me :P). I'm totally feeling good about number 9 and 13.

    As for me, perks also include collecting pictures of swords and castles, and also when people say interesting lines saying, "Can I have that? I'm going to write it down."

  5. lol!! This is adorable, Jack! I loved it. I've never felt like authors had it easy. honestly, I've always wondered how on earth they could do it! Geez, I can't even write an essay without pulling my hair out and nearly dying of frustration. it's that bad. I admore you and other writers who can develop amazing characters and plots and stories!! I'm slightly jealous. ;) <3
    Music, BBC, British accents, chocolate, coffee shops. ^_^ There's so much about this list that makes me want to be a writer! ;) But, like I said. I can't handle it. lolz. <3 <3
    I love this post a lot!

  6. Haha! Love that eppy! Psych is SUCH a quotable show!

  7. I know...Psych. :D And Jack--this list made me laugh a lot. A whole lot. And I needed a good laugh so...you know....thanks. :D

  8. Love this! And #11 is perfect. That's why I took up archery. It was book research. :D

  9. Ugh, I HATE it when people say that Authors don't do anything! I'm like, "DON'T YOU SAY THAT UNTIL YOU TRY IT, BUCKO!"

    I loved your list of perks. We stalk without meaning to most of the time, I think. Hahaha! We can't help it that we remember random facts. lol.


  10. I can't really say I'm an author. Not really. I've only finished ONE book in my lifetime *Hangs head in shame.* But I like your list of perks they were brilliant. Especially the one about scaring people off. I found a quote once "WARNING - Writer at Work. Intruders may be written into a novel." :D

    It is from PSYCH!!!!

  11. Don't need to tell me about the quotes!
    And I bet you would just enjoy freaking people out no matter what.

  12. Haha, exactly! Excuse me while I print off this list and wave it in the face of a few skeptics who think being an author isn't worth it. Also, I totally use being an author as an excuse for all sorts of things, like "Why on earth are you calling everyone 'everymonkey'?" "Oh, I'm an author. I'm doing book research!" It works for everything. Every. Thing. :D

  13. 19. Our mission statement is "Drink coffee and make stuff up."
    20. We drink coffee. :)
    21. We can work anytime, anywhere.

    ~Robyn Hoode

    1. Coffee is a bonus, I forgot that one. Especially flavoured coffee. And hot chocolate.

      Oh! ANd the work times! I forgot that one as well. (Though this one might be viewed as a disadvantage, at least my hours. I work from about seven thirty to midnight.)


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