Saturday, May 24, 2014

"Blueberry?"

 How Jack Edits and Publishes a Book. (As told by the Avengers.)


Beginning and feeling enthusiastic

Realizing she got a  late start and her deadline is catching up to her

Giving herself a pep talk

Getting a boast of determination and decides nothing is going to get in her way

Enjoying a few pages were she feels in charge of everything and believes it is all working out for her

Coming across a plot hole where her characters refused to tell her what they had planned

Tries to sweet talk them into helping her out

Begins to lose patience

Begins to wonder if this is some form of revenge for some of the bad things she has put them through

Begs them to take things seriously

Starts to wish for an escape route

Gets into arguments

Tries to stand up for herself and fails miserably

Works out a plot everyone likes

Once again tries to look cool, but is not as cool this time

Works at explaining all of the little NaNo things that were never meant to be explained

Realizing bringing back dead guys to keep the plot moving is a bad idea

Is forced to kill them

Works on the bad guy's back story and realizes she kind of likes him now

Discovers the bad guy doesn't share her feelings and is going to put up a fight

Tries to convince everyone else they should be on her side and not the bad guy's

Has to use the puppy dog eyes which fail

Insults the bad guy because that always works

Decides to come up with a new plan when the bad guy fights back

Convinces the heroes she is cool

Puts the bad guy in his place and ends his uprising

Endures the heroes gloating over the belief they did everything on their own

Tries to get back to work

Now has to try and get the heroes to stop thinking so highly of themselves

Starts to have, "I am the Author around here," talks with them

Tries to ignore their, "Is that so?" looks

Beginning to work on confusing plot holes

Trying to keep all of the side characters straight

Instantly begins to set in with feelings of being overwhelmed

Realizes in the middle of editing she has forgotten to do all of the other important things, such as formatting, book cover, trailer, and marketing. Begins doing twenty things at once to catch up

Begins to question life choices and looks into other options

Forgets what sleep is

Begins to look and feel like a zombie

Forgets how the English language works and stares at the screen, hoping words will return to her

Arrives at the part where two characters randomly and unexpectedly fell in love

Remembers she understands little about romance and isn't sure what to do with them

Tells in love characters they are on their own and she wishes the best for them

Gets to the depressing scenes she hated writing in the first place

Spends a week walking around, ready to cry at any moment

Researches things that could get her in trouble if the police ever looked at her computer - such as, "How do you kill someone with a straw and toothpaste?" - to make sure her battle is believable

Nears the end of editing and begins to feel pretty proud of herself

Characters decide that can't happen and plot one final shock

Moment of pride is short lived and horror takes its place as she discovers the last minute twist that was thrown in just to ruin her day

Can't believe it happened and is secretly pleased with it because it is a cool twist

Shows displeasure to characters so they won't see that she is pleased and get big heads over it. Characters are not so easily fooled and laugh down at her, believing themselves the cleverest beings in the world

Charges into publishing only to have everything fall apart on her

Faces moments of despair and doubt while characters plot next book without informing her of any new ideas they have

Tries not to yell too much at publishing problems, company, mishaps, computer, cat, family, random strangers, best friends, and those annoying flies that speed around her head as the deadline looms closer

Begins to throw pencils at anyone who enters her room while she is buried under piles of important work

Realizes her characters never gave up on her and feels an inspiring moment of comradeship with them

Finishes up all of the last minute complications and realizes she somehow survived

Hits the publish button

Shares another touching moment with her characters

Finally leaves her room only to realize she no longer knows what century it is. Feels completely lost and alone and isn't even sure what to do about these strange human beings that she keeps running into

Decides it doesn't matter, goes out for Shawarma with all her characters and takes a nap

 Okay, so it was more told by Bucky and Steve, but who cares?

 That is all. I have to get back to work because I am right now on the feeling proud of myself stage, and I have to prepare for the last minute twist.

 I ran out of Captain America quotes till I am able to buy the movie and watch it again. So you get one from The Avengers instead.

 ALLONS-Y!!!

Photobucket

11 comments :

  1. I. DIED. This is TOO funny and so very, very true! I go through just about the same process. Of course I'm not awesome and brave like you and have attempted publishing yet, but my writing and editing stages are almost the same as yours.

    (Also THANKS for bringing on the Bucky feels today. Just thanks.)

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  2. Bahaha!!! I loved this!!!! Too totally epic, Jack!!! :D

    I know exactly how that feels. Only... not the cool, flip-the-shield-publishing one. *sigh* Someday soon....

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  3. Hahahahaha! That was epic.

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  4. I love this! It's hilarious. :)

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  5. I need to learn how to have these "I am the Author around here" talks. THEY SOUND GREAT. I need them. (My characters need to hear them.)

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  6. That is hilarious!
    And still chuckling at Thor dropping his hammer.

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  7. HEEHEEHEE!!!!! BRILLIANT, Jack!!!! And sooo accurate.

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  8. *chokes on laugh, because... funny!*

    lol this was perfect. How long did it take? That's a lot of gifs to find.

    I loooooove gifs.

    I LOVE STEVE

    I LOVE BUCKY

    I NEED TO REWATCH IT.

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  9. Okay. THAT WAS AWESOME!! I especially loved the "Hey, I'm the authur around here," bit. It made me laugh so hard. I totally agree. And the gifs you chose were SO PERFECT!!!

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  10. Awesome! My favorite was the part where you tell your in-love characters that they're on their own. :) :)

    Definitely can relate to most of these!

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  11. So hilarious, and so true, and I am right there with you. Wow. I'm in the mad-scramble phase . . . with the throwing pencils part just under my skin . . . what it's a sunny Memorial day? no, no, must finish book. Sorry. Will hug family and play outside . . . when the book is done, done, done.

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