Thursday, May 08, 2014

"Secure the engine room, then find me a date." "I'm multi-tasking."

 Wherein Jack talks about life and other misadventures

 My work is usually busy. I go in in the morning, scramble around getting things ready for lunch, work through the lunch rush, and dash off to other jobs or come home and attempt to edit. It was worse with school. I was trying to get papers done, figure Math problems out, and edit. Not the best mix in the world.
 At work no one really talks to me. One, we don't have the time for conversation. Two, I've been there so long they don't have to tell me what to do. I already know. Usually when one of my bosses comes to talk to me I get this sinking feeling that I've made a costumer mad or wrecked havoc somewhere without meaning to.
 The last thing I expected was for one of them to attempt to set me up on a date.

 It happened when I was getting ready to run to my other job and one boss narrowed in on me and asked, "Are you single?"

 I've been asked that before, sort of. Usually it is from snickering, older guys and comes out like, "You're like, what, thirteen now? Got a boyfriend yet?"
 "I'm twenty-six, I love comic book movies and I can ride a motorcycle. And climb a mountain. You'd think the interest in Marvel movies - adding the fact I don't like them because of the fellow's arms - would be enough to get boys to take an interest in me. But no, all the boys I've ever met tend to go running."

 The way she asked me this sent my mind into shut down mode. (This is when someone asks me something I know I won't like the follow up to and I panic and try and find the nearest escape.)
 "Do you want to watch a movie?"
 And my brain, "Why? Do you want to watch a movie? Are you asking that because I have been unable to keep the conversation going? Did I mess up or say something stupid? I will give it another try, promise! Or do you really want to watch a movie? Please don't make me pick, I don't know what movies you like! What if I pick the wrong one?!"

 Trying to pretend I wasn't ready to jump over the counter and flee the scene, I told her I was single. At the same time my head boss and friend walked up and said, "That question is usually followed by, 'What are you doing Friday night?'"
 I laughed at him. 
 Haha. Never happened to me before. Ever. 
 Unfortunately he was right. (I hate it when people are right about certain things.)

 "I have this friend who is interested in you."

 That was what set in the real panic. 
 "You have a friend interested in me? Why is he interested in me? I've never met him. Is he a stalker? Who is he? He isn't one of those guys I had to give a free cookie to on Valentine's Day, is he? Because I was under orders to do that and it was a cruddy deal anyways. Anyone in their right mind wouldn't have asked a single girl to give out cookies to hungry guys on Valentine's Day. That're pretty much a marriage proposal right there, but I didn't mean it. I was doing what I was told so I could keep my job."
 This was all on the inside. On the outside I looked like Sherlock when Watson asked him to be his best man.

 She talked some more after that while head boss stood back and snickered at me. (We have a weird friendship, he and I. He's a brilliant boss. He's like a big brother to everyone and looks out for us and picks on us sometimes. But in this case it took a bit for his protective, big brother mode to kick in.)

 "He asked me to set you two up."

 That set in more panic. The only fellows who ever took an interest in me were desperate. And I was single. And it didn't go further then a couple conversations with me before they decided I was a bit too insane for them. I think I stood there with a dumb founded look on my face the whole time she was trying to get me to do....I actually have no idea what. (Maybe she wanted me to tell her she could give him my phone number. I still kind of wish I knew what I was supposed to say to her, or what she wanted. I went through stages of, "What is he, a chicken? He couldn't come and talk to me himself." to, "He is totally a stalker. I need my cousin to come in here and scare him off.") 
 Anyways...so yes, I did a Sherlock the whole time. She even started to stammer, which made me feel bad but no brilliant suggestions on dates or setting up or anything came to mind. Thankfully, head boss went into big brother mode finally and ended the conversation by saying something about how it was kind of strange for someone to come in and ask about one of his employees.

 Since then....well, since then I still don't know who he is. I know his name, and I have taken to examining the names on debt cards. (You know, so I at least can maybe find out who he is and dodge behind the counter whenever he comes in. Make one of my other bosses - they are managers, but whatever - go and scare him off. This one has this sinister looking beard and is like...almost seven feet tall. He is very nice, but unless you talk to him you wouldn't know it. He looks like some kind of Assassin or Mercenary. I'm hiring him when I take over the world.) Anyways, I could make him go and talk to my mysterious....whatever it is he might be. There is also my cousin idea. 

 And since I am on life stories and this one kind of connects with that one I will explain about my cousin.
 My cousin is handsome, there is no way around it. He's tall, blond, muscled, and looks nothing like me. We just can't really pass for cousins. (He is also like another brother. He looks out for me as much as my brothers - and for the record. My brothers would chase of stalkers, but for this part of the story it wouldn't work because it is obvious we are siblings. We can't pass for anything but.)

 Okay, back to the story.

 Like I mentioned, hungry guys come into work. And I am a girl. And I serve them food. For that brief moment while I am taking taking their orders they probably think I am the prettiest thing they have ever seen. (I don't know what is going through their minds. Because I don't really know how all this works...you know, flirting and what not. I just know I keep getting funny smiles, but as soon as they have eaten I am non existent again. Not complaining by the way. These are young, hungry guys. Their mind is on food....you get the idea.)
 So....my cousin came in one day and ordered and sat down - after we picked on each other.
Some bit later another fellow came in, gave me one of those funny smiles, and started to order. While I was taking his my cousin got up to leave and we waved good bye to each other, because that's what cousins should do. And naturally, the fellow who was giving his food request looked to see who I was waving too....who happened to be a dashing, tall, muscular blond fellow in a tee shirt....again, you get the idea. The fellow at the counter looked crushed. (I admit, I snickered later when I realized what it looked like to him.) But, to not leave this story on a bad note, once he got his food he was happy again.

 Anyways...those are some of the mishaps I run into at work. And some of my better Sherlock moments. And some of my..........well, that kind of sums up my....is it called romantic life? (When it comes to this sort of thing I feel like Rodgers. "So...do you two...fondue?" 

 (And please don't take these stories as me being hopelessly depressed because I am 26 and never been on a date and haven't even ever got anyone interested in me but for two desperate fellows and a stalker. I gave my romantic life to God ages ago and while I am not trying to get out of meeting fellows, I am willing to accept things how they are now. In other words, I don't have a boyfriend right now and I am okay with that. Sure, I'd love to be a mummy and wife. But if that isn't what God has planned for me then I am okay with that. I just have this thing with....not knowing what to say to bosses who try and set me up on dates with a fellow who has seen me but whom I might not have seen. My spy instincts kick in and all I can think is, "ENEMY! FLEE!")
 Also, I've just dubbed him Mr. Stalker. It's a nickname. So....yeah...just to clear things up.

 This is just a few of the things that happen to me at work. And I thought writing was exciting.

 Don't forget! I am holding a contest for to celebrate the release of my next book! You can find my details on my sidebar!

 ALLONS-Y!

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12 comments :

  1. I love the quote. :)
    That's hilarious. Those kind of things always seem to happen when you least expect it. I probably would've had done a Sherlock for the first few seconds. But then I would've fled the situation by playing stupid, "Oh, really? Well, that's nice. Excuse me, I've somewhere I have to be. . ." I'm terrible at these kinds of things. :P
    Something sort of similar happened to me this week too. I'm twenty-two, but I look way younger. Like seventeen or something (some people say nineteen just to be on the safe side. . .). At work, there's this customer whom I've realized likes me but he's in high school. So his mom's been really nice to me too. . . I didn't really think much of it really. Except the other day, he came through my line and left one of his purchases at the register. I was thinking, "Oh, great. I know he did that on purpose." So I had to run out in the parking lot to give it back to him. And he parked far out too! I handed it to him, he said thanks and all that. I started walking away and he was like, "Hey, can I ask you something?" I turned around thinking, "Oh, no here it comes. And now I'm going feel terrible for breaking some kid's heart."
    He had his hands in his pockets and said, "Could I have your phone number? And I could text you some time?" I tried to smile. "No. I'm sorry about that." And left as nicely as I could. I thought about telling him how old I was, but then didn't because he'd probably feel worse than. :P I've never been on a date or had any guy interested in me either, not counting the kind of guys who will like anyone who happens to be a girl. I never know what to do when they flirt. I try to be nice (sometimes. . .), or I resort to playing dumb(hoping they will go away), or forget it all, ignore them, and be professional, "Your total is $5.49, sir... Have a good day."

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  2. You are funny!!!! LOL! If the date doesn't go well, you can tell the guy you suffer from frequent gasrippers. :P just kidding! I think that is strange that a boss comes up to you and asks that. If the guy is interested in you, why doesn't he come and tell it to you personally?

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  3. Oh my word! Haha, I can't believe that happened to you! That's crazy! At least you got a great story out of it! Oh my goodness. You must have fun at work, despite some awkward situations. What a weird way for a guy to ask you on a date, though... If you had to choose between him and an actual chicken, I might opt for the chicken. At least you can eat that if you get hungry.

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  4. This is such an interesting story...eheh. I didn't know you were 26! But SO funny! I like snippets into what it's like to be Awesome Jack, so YAY for posts like this. I have never been on a date either and I'm 20. I just...nope. I'm too busy. x)

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  5. Awww, I hate it when people put me in awkward situations like that. I mean, seriously, WHAT are you supposed to say?

    Love the story about waving to your cousin, though. That's awesome. :)

    Wow, I was guessing way off on your age (it's so funny the way it is meeting people online and trying to gauge what they're like in "real life," sometimes you can be spot-on, and other times... well... not so much) LOL

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  6. Okay, I just loved this post to death. Well, maybe not death because that sounds a bit morbid, but hey! It was awesome.

    And it's nice to know I'm not the only one. :) I'm 20, never had a date, never had a boyfriend, never had a stalker (at least, none that I ever knew of), nuttin'. For some odd reason, I think I tend to scare boys away. I've known very few who are actually my age, and usually when those few do come around, I look at my mother and say, "Ew... there's another one. Do I *have* to talk to him?"

    Okey dokey, since Ashley shared her story, I'll share mine. Once upon a time, we had a church luncheon. At this particular luncheon we had an unfortunate lack of people because of sickness, and for the most part it was my family with a few stragglers. A friend of my mom's invited her military-ish, older than me by 2-3 years son to church that day, and my sisters and I got the "you-will-talk-and-be-nice-to-him-or-else" talk from my parents. Not that they're trying to set us up or anything, but when it's your church and you're the pastor's kids, there are expectations. My sisters somehow found occupation in taking care of my baby sister, and that left me on my own to confront the poor guy at the lunch table. I tried to talk. I was nice, I think. I asked him questions and pretended to be interested in what he had to say. He gave me clipped, one-word responses. But I love my parents, and I wasn't going to give up so easily. So, I steered toward books. Everyone can talk about books, right?? :D Wrong. :P He didn't like reading. By that time I was panicking, so I said, "Well, I like to smell books." He gave me a funny look. "You like to smell books?" Deer-in-the-headlights. "Uh, yeah. Each book has a different smell, and I like to smell them before I read them." What follows next is a true story: He immediately picked up his plate, moved it to another table, and I have not seen him since.

    Do I regret it? Never. It makes an awesome story. But I'm with you, Jack. I gave my romance to God long ago, and I'm content to live my single years out for as long as they may be. Technically, I don't know why they're called "single years" because I've spent every blessed minute of mine with my family... extended included, and I have not been single and lonely for one minute. I know that if God wants me to get married, He'll bring the perfect guy at the right time, and I'm not going to have to worry about a thing. And if that never happens, then I'll be happy being a spinster writer with no distractions to keep me from my stories. :)

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  7. Oh, Jack! You have made my day with this post.

    The perpetual skinniness of teenage boys is part of God's design in courtship. High metabolism = more food. You feed a boy, he likes you. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. *nods*

    I've been set up before. Or at least, that's what it sounded like. My pastor did it. The kid of some friends of his. The guy lived in Florida and was 10 years older than me. We talked via email for 2 weeks and that was it. Nothing more than talking.

    Also, I am silently pleased to find out that you are older than me. Every other blogger friend I have is younger (and some of them are like 6 or 7 years younger).

    ~Robyn Hoode

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  8. This post was hilarious! I love the way you keep coming back to feeding guys and that the food is what interests them . . . might be true. :)
    Dating is a tough, tough thing, and the whole "set up" thing just is crazy. I love the thoughts running through your head and the fact that you were able to do the Sherlock look. Keep up the good work on the Sherlock look! If the guy actually knows you and likes you, he should be able to speak for himself in a nice, gentlemanly way.

    My hubs asked me out himself, although he started with a roundabout - do you like comedy clubs?
    I was too young to go to comedy clubs at the time and that worried him, which I thought was super sweet, so I asked him to the movies. He countered with dinner and a movie. We finally agreed. Then we spent 5 years dating and debating, got married, and we've been married for nearly 18 years. He didn't like to read or dance when we met, but he reads these days and has even danced on stage at our daughter's dance recitals. The things that started us on the right track and kept us there were: faith, a similar, quirky sense of humor, and the fact that we both like superheroes, comics, and action comedies. And we both like to ask, what if?

    Anyway, I went into nostalgia mode there. Sorry.

    I know that God has the right path for you, and if there's a love interest involved in that path, then I'm sure that God has him picked out just for you.

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  9. This post made me laugh so much. :-) It also gave me hope. I'm a younger part of your crowd at a mere 17, but most of the people around me my age have had several boyfriends by now and I'm like, "Wagh! Never even been asked out and frankly don't know what I'd say if I were asked out!" But yeah, I work at an ice cream shop, so guys tend to come in for ice cream and hey there's a girl! ;-) I can always tell they like one of the girls working when I see how much they tip. ;-D But anyway, this post was fabulous and all the comments here were fabulous and that is awesome about your cousin. I really wish my cousins were more my age (I have a grand total of four cousins and the oldest one is 11). Though my younger brother is taller than me (he's 14 and he's 6') and we don't look too much alike, so he can pass as my buff, scary, tall boyfriend if need be. ;-D

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  10. Oh Jack. You know, I honestly thought you were younger than me until I stumbled on your real age on the Inklings blog. I don't know why, you just felt younger.

    Yes, boys automatically any girl who's getting them their food. It's just how they work. I mostly ignore them. Or with this one man who asks every time he orders for a "hot date," I reply with, "sorry, we don't sell those." Although I've been considering getting one of those dried ones and running it through the microwave for him. He hasn't been through in a while (that I know about) so I've never had a chance.

    I've never been a date, though I've been asked twice, both by coworkers. Actually, the first time it was a coworker trying to set us up. I was minding my own business, washing the windows when Bob came up and asked if I was single. I acknowledged that I was, so he asked if I wanted to "Hook up with" Joe (names changed to protect the innocent though.) My reply? No. Later, when we were inside, Bob asked if I'd be willing to go on a double date. Him with his girlfriend, me with Joe. Well, a date wasn't as bad as "hooking up" so I asked if he was a Christian (because Joe was standing right behind Joe), and he kinda nodded, so I told him he'd have to ask my dad. I don't think he did. (Since then, both Bob and Joe have quit, Joe to a better job, Bob to I don't know where).

    The second time, it was a coworker that I get along with pretty well (we have a similar sense of humor), but I again told him that he'd have to ask my dad. He hasn't either. He's not a Christian though, so I'm not really bothered by that.

    Like you, I've placed my future in God's hands. Yes, I'd like to be a wife one day, and I'd really like kids (I tell people that I plan to have twenty-six of them, just to see how they react). I've told my family that they're welcome to play matchmaker with me, because I know they can be much more objective about it than I can. Personally, I'm holding out on one my nutcrackers to come to life and take me to the land of sweets and make me their queen, though.

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  11. Oh, Jack, you poor thing. But this was hilarious because you're always brilliantly hilarious. I can't imagine going through that though. I've never had anything like that happen to me...or anything like this in general. No one has had a crush on me as far as I'm aware, no one's asked me out, nothing at all. It's probably my fault for hanging out with gorgeous, interesting people. Most boys just fall head-over-heels for my friends, but it could be me... We writers tend to scare people off, don't we?

    But it's all okay! Because God has my life in His hands and He'll bring along the right guy when the time comes, or keep me single if that's His will. And that's a comforting though, isn't it? Knowing He's always taking care of us.

    I'm sorry you had to go through all that awkwardness. I probably would have pulled a Sherlock, too. Or just...laughed in the person's face, because sometimes I do that. *cough* Or maybe just said, "Unless he has a phone box that's bigger on the inside I'm not interested, thanks." *nods, nods*

    But what I got most from this post was...YOU'RE 26?!?!?!?! My guess was 19 or 20. I''m 22 myself, and most people I meet online are younger than me, pretty much ALL of them actually, so it surprised me. That's really cool you're older.^_^

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  12. So your description of the "hungry guys" made me think of Hiccup. "I'm sorry waitress, you've got me the wrong order!" *snicker*

    And that's....and interesting story. lol. :) You should hear about the guy Molly was "set up with" by a woman she works with *snort* It's really quite an hysterical story. :D Next time you're on I'll tell you. lol.

    Also, I like your name for him - Mr. Stalker....that's good. 8D

    *falls off train*
    SIC,
    Anna

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