Yes, that should probably worry you
But first, the last day of my Book Release Celebration will be the 11th, so be sure and come back for that!
While I was away, visiting the land of evil ants and wet air, I came across people who - like most people I come across - were not used to me and my...oddness and prolonged silence. I was continually being asked if I was okay and what I was thinking. Both answers always turned out the same. "Good." And "Nothing." These, I realized while there, have become my default answers. I never intended them to be lies, but maybe they had become. Or maybe it is the only explanation for what continually goes on inside my head.
For some reason, while there, I took time to consider both the questions and my answers, and I realized why I cannot simply put into words how I am feeling and what I am thinking. I believe this is something all creative people will understand, though maybe they too cannot put words to them.
The thing is, I am never - at one time - thinking or feeling just one thing. I see the world different then most people. (Again, creative people probably see what I do.) While someone might walk through the park and see children playing and trees blocking the sun, I see possible different lives. I can look at a person and see a hundred possibilities of what their life might be like. What they are suffering, what they love, why they are looking the way they are. I walk under trees and see a billion stories hidden in the bark. I watch the sun play tag and whisper secrets to the leaves. I lay in the grass and watch the clouds make up their own stories to tell the flowers. I sit by rivers and listen to past adventures the water has had and ones they plan on having.
All of that sounds fantastical I know, but I don't think I can rightly call myself an Author and not have a fantastical, whimsical, childish side of me. I wouldn't be able to make up new worlds and lives if I didn't see the worlds hidden in our own. If I didn't see things that no one else pays attention to I wouldn't be able to write about them.
This can apply to the answer of how I am feeling. The same way I am seeing a billion things at once I am feeling them too. I feel all of my characters all the time, all at once. Every emotion I pour into them follows me each and every day. Somedays I might be giddy and mischievous. Others I can be melancholy and withdrawn. All because of the lives I spin with letters on white pages of paper. They are as real to me as the person standing in front of me, as the one who lays a hand on my back, who hugs me, as the friend who greets me in passing. The only difference is these lives are always there, always with me.
So when someone comes up to me and asks me how I am doing and what I am thinking, it is impossible for me to take everything and put them into words. Therefore when I say I am well and thinking nothing, there is so much more behind those words. There are things I cannot express and saying nothing is just because it would be strange to say everything.
And as sentimental and sappy as this post sounds, it is me attempting a reminder for those who don't see and feel so much so often. If you do ask someone those two questions, and you get those two answers in reply, just keep in mind they aren't trying to block you out or keep you at bay - they just aren't sure how to let you into their worlds.
If you don't know the quote you need to move out from under your rock.
Brothers-in-Arms got its first review!!! Find it HERE!!!!!!!!!! (And tell her hi while you're there. She is my very dear friend and she is fantastic.) (If anyone else has done reviews for my books, if you want to send me the link I would love to post it here as well! Also, I'd love to read reviews of how you all like - hopefully like, liking makes me happy, but if you don't like them I won't hate you - my books.)