Tuesday, August 05, 2014

"As you wish."

 Wherein Jack speaks her mind.

 Yes, that should probably worry you

 But first, the last day of my Book Release Celebration will be the 11th, so be sure and come back for that!

 While I was away, visiting the land of evil ants and wet air, I came across people who - like most people I come across - were not used to me and my...oddness and prolonged silence. I was continually being asked if I was okay and what I was thinking. Both answers always turned out the same. "Good." And "Nothing." These, I realized while there, have become my default answers. I never intended them to be lies, but maybe they had become. Or maybe it is the only explanation for what continually goes on inside my head.

 For some reason, while there, I took time to consider both the questions and my answers, and I realized why I cannot simply put into words how I am feeling and what I am thinking. I believe this is something all creative people will understand, though maybe they too cannot put words to them.

 The thing is, I am never - at one time - thinking or feeling just one thing. I see the world different then most people. (Again, creative people probably see what I do.) While someone might walk through the park and see children playing and trees blocking the sun, I see possible different lives. I can look at a person and see a hundred possibilities of what their life might be like. What they are suffering, what they love, why they are looking the way they are. I walk under trees and see a billion stories hidden in the bark. I watch the sun play tag and whisper secrets to the leaves. I lay in the grass and watch the clouds make up their own stories to tell the flowers. I sit by rivers and listen to past adventures the water has had and ones they plan on having.

 All of that sounds fantastical I know, but I don't think I can rightly call myself an Author and not have a fantastical, whimsical, childish side of me. I wouldn't be able to make up new worlds and lives if I didn't see the worlds hidden in our own. If I didn't see things that no one else pays attention to I wouldn't be able to write about them.

 This can apply to the answer of how I am feeling. The same way I am seeing a billion things at once I am feeling them too. I feel all of my characters all the time, all at once. Every emotion I pour into them follows me each and every day. Somedays I might be giddy and mischievous. Others I can be melancholy and withdrawn. All because of the lives I spin with letters on white pages of paper. They are as real to me as the person standing in front of me, as the one who lays a hand on my back, who hugs me, as the friend who greets me in passing. The only difference is these lives are always there, always with me.

 So when someone comes up to me and asks me how I am doing and what I am thinking, it is impossible for me to take everything and put them into words. Therefore when I say I am well and thinking nothing, there is so much more behind those words. There are things I cannot express and saying nothing is just because it would be strange to say everything.

 And as sentimental and sappy as this post sounds, it is me attempting a reminder for those who don't see and feel so much so often. If you do ask someone those two questions, and you get those two answers in reply, just keep in mind they aren't trying to block you out or keep you at bay - they just aren't sure how to let you into their worlds.

 If you don't know the quote you need to move out from under your rock.

 Brothers-in-Arms got its first review!!! Find it HERE!!!!!!!!!! (And tell her hi while you're there. She is my very dear friend and she is fantastic.) (If anyone else has done reviews for my books, if you want to send me the link I would love to post it here as well! Also, I'd love to read reviews of how you all like - hopefully like, liking makes me happy, but if you don't like them I won't hate you - my books.)




  1. Aw, I love you too, Jack! (I actually read that part in the book last night. "Every time you said 'Farm boy do this' you thought I was answering 'as you wish' but that's only because you were hearing wrong. 'I love you' was what it was, but you never heard, and you never heard." Siiiigghh best. book. ever.)
    And not only are you a creative person, you are a creative woman, and everyone knows that women are incapable of thinking or feeling just one thing at once. (Imagine a world without multitasking... that would be... strange. Very strange, but, perhaps, refreshing. Leisurely.)

  2. I completely understand. A friend of mine put it well in a book she is currently writing that a character of hers was thinking, "A thousand thoughts and nothing."

    That is how I so very often feel. At any given time, there are a thousand thoughts flying through my head, but none of them are ready to be put into words... none of them make sense in the context of whatever situation I am currently in, and would not add to the conversation happening around me. And thus, my answer to that question, "What are you thinking?" Is often, "Nothing." as well. But not "nothing," as in, "I am thinking nothing." It more means, "Nothing that is pertinent to this situation, conversation, or set of circumstances." or "Nothing that I can put into understandable terms to anyone who is not currently inside my head."

    And, of course, you should know by now how I feel about the Princess Bride... book and movie. :)

  3. Non creative types don't get it.
    Of course, I'm a guy, and you know what we're always thinking?

  4. Hi, Jack,

    You revealed so much of yourself in this post and you did it BEAUTIFULLY! I feel I really know you now....

    Thank you for sharing YOU with us...

    Yes, I am similar. Always thinking a million things and nothing. I see things too.... That is what makes us creative creatures!

  5. See, if you were like me and spouted gibberish all the time, people would stop asking you those questions.

    Of course, if you were like me, you'd also have a slew of other problems, so it's probably better that you're more like you :D

  6. Firstly, I adore the quote. I smiled to myself when I saw it.

    Actually you've kind of summed up what I've been feeling lately. People always ask me these questions. And my answers are pretty identical. I get this feeling that they think I'm trying to shut them out from my life and/or I'm just really stupid and have no thought life whatsoever. But when I look at people and how they are acting and interacting. The emotions on their faces, or the lack of emotions. I wonder what's going on in their lives. I wonder why they seem to feel the way that they do. What makes them do the things they do. If they're wearing a mask. What are they hiding. All of the things that make up their lives. If my guess are correct, or if I'm totally off. And sometimes when I see that they are clearly sad, it makes me so sad to see them that way, so sad that I'm the last person capable of cheering them up. And then I'm thinking about the millions of things going on in my life. And the bazillions of things going on with my characters, and the whole world. And the inconsistencies of the universe. I am always thinking about that. Because even though it irks me and I could rant about inconsistencies all day, I find irony fascinating and hilarious. Somehow, I don't know how, but my brain seems to think all of these things at once. And all of that, can not just be simply said in a normal, casual conversation.
    Creative people are different. If people really want to know what we're thinking, they have to have more than a passing conversation with us.

  7. I agree that it's hard to put random creative thoughts into words. My brain rambles too much. It's easier to say "lot's of stuff" than to try to explain all the things I've been thinking.

    I love The Princess Bride. The quote was really what made me click over from Goodreads. :)

    And, from one Whovian to another, "Alons-y!"

  8. You put it into words! Thank you, Jack!

    Non writers, or I suppose non creative people in general, just don't understand. Our brains work so differently from others and even if we tried, it would be impossible to explain exactly how we think because others just can't understand it. And that's fine, we're all different. But sometimes it's hard, because you may be sitting there, having a thousand and one thoughts going, brilliant ideas for your story, and people mistake it for you feeling disconnected and perhaps even angry. Quiet doesn't mean we're angry, it actually usually means we're in our happy place. Thinking about my stories and observing the world in that queer little way writers do is my favorite thing. But to explain that to others...it's just impossible.

    This post was perfect. It's so nice to find other like-minded people! Us writers have to stick together.


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