Thursday, August 14, 2014

"If I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more."

 Wherein Jack shares a world shattering secret

 Make sure you're sitting down. I don't think many of you are prepared for the kind of world shattering this is going to do to your world.

 I've never really had problems with my teeth. Aside from the fact they are insanely crooked and I have buck teeth. Out of all my siblings I was the one who never got cavities. (I have one now but I'm in denial.) I never ever got tooth aches. Therefore, the night Frozen came out and I was hit with one which left me in tears on the floor, I wasn't sure what to make of this new found pain. I hurt so much I almost didn't go to the movie with my family, but the throbbing pain subsided enough for me to make it through.


 My tooth hurt for three or four days after that, but nothing like the first night. I thought it might be my wisdom tooth, but when the pain stopped all together I happily assumed I was wrong and went on with life, though I wasn't able to chew sweets on the left side of my mouth.

 "Cavity," I thought. "Serves me right, been eating too many cookies." I ignored it though. It wasn't bad, I could still eat, just not sweets and it isn't like I HAD to eat sweets. I could give up cookies if it meant getting to avoid the Dentist just a little longer.

 Life continued once more until two or three weeks ago when the agonizing pain returned.

 Panic set in.

 I refused to believe it could even be close to being my wisdom tooth until the pain refused to leave. I had no other choice but to finally give in and go to the Dentist. And this is where I shatter the world.

 One might be lead to the belief that Dentists are our friends. Like doctors. They take care of us, and help us. I have NEVER fallen for this belief, however. Part of this stemmed from younger days when a Dentist thought it would be great fun to pull one of my teeth with - what I felt like at the time - no warning whatsoever. I was happy one moment and sobbing in pain the next.


 Since that time I have gone out of my way to avoid them, even living with my array of crooked teeth because it meant not getting braces. Then I had to get a check up a year ago and was told my wisdom teeth would have to come out and my jaw broken to do so.

 Jaw.

 Broken.

 Lovely thing to tell someone who is already scared of Dentist drills and needles and who knows what other torture devices they have. Because, let's be honest here, anyone who sticks a drill in your mouth is NOT to be trusted.

 Doubt my word?

 Ever seen some of their equipment? No? Well, here is a good idea of what it looks like - and I made sure to double check this theory today while I was having fingers poke and prod my already agonizing tooth.


 Aw look, and there is Bucky to show how the machines work.

 Still don't believe me? I had to stick my head in one of those...head thingies...today. Right in. So I could be zapped with radiation.

 Yes, radiation. The Dentists even fessed up to using it. They sent my mum out of the room and put a lead apron on me. Not on my head, because, you know - it's just my head. Who cares about radiation to the brain? (Alright, so they said it is not much radiation and that is all safety precautions to make people feel better, but this is a person with HYDRA like torture devices...how far can you trust them?)

 (Side note. My wisdom teeth have to come out but this new Dentist can do it without breaking my jaw, so I have no idea what the first one was talking about.)

 I have now discovered what I always thought to be true. After HYDRA went into hiding they became Dentists. This gives them a chance to torture unsuspecting suffers to their heart's content. (They had a hay day with me because I had the flu today so I was already miserable - not to mention the tooth ache and not being able to eat much besides rice for the last two or three weeks. They knew I was a SHIELD agent, I have a suspicion they saw my card.)


 It is all there. The same type of machines used on Bucky. Drills and needles and medical scissors. Radiation. They experiment on people to try and create more super soldiers. It won't work on me though. I don't have the personality for it. I am going to turn into another kind of Hulk. Sweet and unassuming when left on my own, quick tempered and violent when thrown in with hordes of people who shoot things at me. So when you hear in the news of someone turning green and smashing walls, very likely it was me and the radiation experiments. 

 So far I have been able to keep one step ahead of HYDRA, but next week they get to sedate me and stick things into my mouth and who knows what else while I am too far out of it to fight them off. So if I vanish and there is a new assassin in the news, you now know the reason why and I'd be grateful if you'd call the Avengers and have them avenge me.


 Naturally, I'd not even be thinking of going within ten feet of HYDRA unless it was to kick them in the shins. But I'm hungry - normally, not right now. Right now I am running a fever and don't want to think of food. When the flu is over, however, I'll be hungry and to eat the tooth has to come out. So unless I can make someone REALLY mad and punch it out over the weekend, I shall be returning to HYDRA.

 I'm working hard on making someone angry enough to punch me.

 It should be easier then it has been.

 If there are volunteers I won't turn them away.

 That is all. You've been warned. I have a short story to work on. (I'm going to enter the Beauty and the Beast contest. I finally have a plot, but more on that later.)

 Quote is from Emma, the Emma with Mr. Knightly. I've been watching Emma Approved. Which is where I heard the line. Because I can't find the version of Emma I am looking for. And I like Emma Approved.


 ALLONS-Y!

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8 comments :

  1. this is like my favourite description of going to the dentist ever. Beat 'torture' any day.

    But seriously. I think dentists are trying to take over the world, taking our teeth out one by one, that way we can't tell them to stop. Sneaky little devils.

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  2. Ooooo good luck with your wisdom teeth! I had mine out two weeks ago. The weirdest part is getting drugged up. I remember starting to feel sleepy and then the next thing I remember was the nurse getting me into a wheelchair and bringing me out to my mom.
    I'm so glad they don't have to break your jaw!

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  3. Ugh, and nooooo. Dentists are the worst. :( I've spent most of my life getting my teeth straightened, with plates when I was younger then braces when I was older and it gave me TMJ. I honestly cannot eat hard foods anymore and sometimes my jaw locks up I can't even crack my mouth open. DENTISTS ARE EVIL IF THEY INFLICT THIS KIND OF PAIN. Good luck with your wisdom teeth. :( My brother had his taken out when he was 15. But...but I'm 20 and I've only got half of one. Maybe I just lack wisdom? Whyyyyy do we have wisdom teeth if a) they have to be taken out and b) they usually don't even fit in our mouths?!

    I'm glad you avoided the crazy dentist who wanted to break the door. The only response to that is: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR VULCAN MIND????

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  4. YES YES SOMEONE HAS FIGURED OUT THE DENTIST THING. THEY MUST BE HYDRA. MUST.

    There is no other way to describe someone who pokes and prods in your mouth and slices and extracts and inflicts all sorts of pain for very little gain..... AND drugs you up. AND has all the Hydra...er...dental equipment.

    BUT YES I FEEL YOU. I had to get my wisdom teeth out almost woah it was almost two years ago now. I think. It's hard to remember because of the brainwashing....er....IV. But yes.

    Seriously though, this post made my day. WE NEED TO SPREAD THE WORD! DOWN WITH HYDRA AND DENTISTS!

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  5. Oh, Jack!! How awful! My wisdom teeth came in much earlier than any of my siblings, yet my mouth was big enough and the teeth smart enough to do it properly. But... oh! *shudders* I HATE going to the dentist, make no mistake about that. Ugh, but this is just... wow. Radiation and the works? I'll be praying for you.

    I'll call the Avengers!! DOWN WITH HYDRA AND DENTISTS!!

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  6. :( I'm sorry you're sick and have to have your wisdom teeth out. (And, by the by, if a dentist ever tells you that they have to do something that sounds horrible like break your jaw or pull teeth... GET A SECOND OPINION). Some HYDRA agents are kinder than others.

    Loved your HYDRA comparison, by the way. It is so true.

    On the up side, having your wisdom teeth out means you have a great excuse to subsist on milkshakes for a few days. :) Put ice on your face right away and keep it there for about 24 hours and it should keep you from swelling up too badly.

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  7. oooooh!! That's terrible. I HATE going to the dentist. I had a TERRIBLE dentist when I was a kid (he was so bad that my parents actually moved us to a different one) So I do not have the best of memories in regard to dentistry.

    So yeah, I'm totally on board with the HYDRA agent theory :D

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  8. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *CHOKES* I giggled at this. At your pain. Because we're like... besties.

    I'm never calling the dentist a dentist again. It'll be like, "where are you going?" "HYDRA."

    Have you ever watched Bill Cosby on Hydra Agents? IT'S HILARIOUS. GO WATCH IT NOW.

    Hehehe. that "punch you in the face" picture's aaaaaaaaaaaawesome!

    Dem Bucky gifs doh.

    Enjoy your Hydra visit and don't stress out too much. IT IS NOT AS BAD AS PEOPLE SAY. (unless you're Bucky. Then it's worse.)

    *whispers* Hail Hydra.

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