Wednesday, April 22, 2015

"If you go to jail I'm not waiting for you." "You won't have to. I'll escape, we both know I will."

 Wherein Jack got a job.

 I've never liked job hunting. I don't mind the actual looking and talking to possible bosses, it's the applications and resumes I hate. The long interrogations of "Why should we hire you? Brag about yourself without actually bragging. But make it a good not real but real bragging because I'm going to hire you based on how well you can pull this off." Then of course the, "Give us the name of your last ten employers. Why don't you have ten former employers? Why did you leave the ones you had? Will you leave us? Sign your name in blood to seal your fate that you will always stay here and work for us the rest of your life and take over the business when I die."

 Yes, applications. I don't get along with them.

 My plan was to look for a job the day after I got to my new apartment. I was going to find one the first week I arrived. I didn't count on car lag...it's like jet lag only from a car. It happens when you've spent two days stuck in a car, driving across deserts.

 I think it took me about two weeks to get over the long drive. If had been able to fly all my belongings out I would have done that.

 I think it was the third week before I went down to the place where there was a strong chance I already had a job. (A day care).

 I have to admit here, I was slightly paranoid. I don't usually get this way unless it involves something I think is important. Such as having a means of paying for my own gas and helping with rent and food at the new home I'm living at.

 First I started with the whole issue with my clothes. I'm hoping this is over thought out and rated and bosses don't study your clothes as much as everyone has told me they do. (I once found a website that had a list of clothing colors and what each color meant. I forget all of them, but supposedly bosses can look at the color of your clothes and figure out the kind of person you are. If that doesn't through added pressure on interviews I don't know what does.)

 "You're wearing red. You're passionate and outgoing. You love life and you have more energy than you know what to do with..."

 "I had no idea I was any of those. Thanks for letting me know."

 In the end I went with something my last boss told me. She said no one dresses up for interviews anymore and she will hire a girl right off if she's in a skirt since it shows the girl cares enough about her job to dress nicely for the interview.

 Since I was going in for a day care I figured I'd try and look as sweet and cute as possible. I went with one of my default outfits. (I have a couple of these. One is a red dress and one is a blue skirt with swishes when I walk. I can put a khaki button shirt with the skirt and blue tights and look like I spent hours on my outfit when in fact it is just thrown in my trunk. With a pair of flat shoes I can fool people into thinking I spend my spare time reading by the fire and knitting in a rocking chair. The kind of girl you'd want looking out for your kids.) I also hid my dog tags under my shirt. (They have my nickname stamped on them) I wasn't ready to explain to a day care boss why I'd been nicknamed after a POW who got beat up every day and a one armed assassin....

 *Disclaimer note.*
 I LOVE kids. I love spending time with them, and I like to encourage their imaginations. When I babysit I take kids Dragon hunting. We visit Giants and search for pirate treasure. I let parents know this right off, so they know what they are getting as a baby sitter. But I figured with the day care work there will be no time for pirates and such so I went with knitter.

 *Second disclaimer note*
 When on my own I have been known to throw on a pair of shorts, a shirt too large, loose my shoes, and go walking barefoot in lakes which are too cold to be walked in. I hike, climb up rocks too big to be scaled, and do all manner of stupid activities. And while I'd never take a little kid up a sheer rock face, I figured it would be best to not go to an interview with twigs in my hair and smelling of fish.

 *Back to my story*

 I went to my interview wearing a swishy blue skirt, flat shoes, and walking as stiff as a solder. Every time I get nervous I stand ram rod straight and stiffen every one of my back muscles as if I'm about to walk to the firing squad. By the end of the day my left shoulder will start to ache from this habit. I should learn to relax or someone is going to get the idea I am there for the firing squad and will shoot me.

 In I went though and perched myself on the edge of the chair. I was waiting for the interrogation to begin and end and the boss to pitch me out the door. Instead, she chatted about school and my weird life goals, and then told me I had the job because my friends' mom had given me a grand introduction months before I moved. (In other words, they hired me on her suggestion alone so I didn't really need to prepare myself for the firing squad, but you know, better safe than sorry.)

 I might or might not have skipped out of the office. (If I did skip I might have made sure I was away from the building so no one could see me.)

 Of course, life isn't that easy. With the job came some exceptions. Shots. Doctor tests. Finger printing. (The shot wasn't an actual shot but an injection which turns me into a baby. I detest needles, and it is worse when they inject something into me. I might have whimpered a little and then cried, but at least I wasn't shot by a rifle.)

 The finger printing I'm a bit disappointed about. I'm sure my prints are on file somewhere but I have new scars on my fingers since then. Now those scars are on file, which means my world domination plans might be a bit tricky. Thankfully, there are gloves. I might add here that I already have a supply of medical gloves in case I ever run into the situation where I need to do something which would require me leaving my finger prints behind.

 But there, that is how I found a job. I should end this now. I had a good quote from Oklahoma! with Hugh Jackman but I forgot it. (You may blame my cold.) Trust me though, it was a good one.

 I used one from Psych instead.


 ALLONS-Y!

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7 comments :

  1. Congratulations on finding a job! All that pressure and it was easy.
    I don't do well with shots either.

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  2. Congratulations!!! That's awesome!! This was very entertaining to read. =)

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  3. Congrats! I hope you enjoy working at the daycare. I'm the imagination encourager babysitter too. We've chased pirates and run away from orphanages, played Jedi, and even chased down aliens with the Doctor. It was really awesome playing that, because the little boy only knew what little I had told him about Doctor Who, yet he was coming up with accurate things on his own, like that daleks always come back, and cracks, and faces that are only a face (which I took to be Cassandra). Plus it was fun to play with my sonic screwdriver.

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  4. I love this so much. Congrats on the job! That is so cool. :-) You're exactly the kind of babysitter every kid needs. I shall add that to my list of skills that I either tell or don't tell someone depending on the person....... ;-) But seriously, you are going to be one loved babysitter, at least by the kids, if you take them Dragon Hunting.

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  5. Congratulations on finding a job! I am so with you on applications, they are the WORST.

    And all your firing-squad references and stressing about outfits and not wanting to show up smelling of fish... had me rolling on the ground laughing till it hurt.

    Dragon-hunting and climbing large rocks and walking in cold lakes sounds marvelous, can I come?

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  6. Congrats on the job! That's great!
    Oooo... Oklahoma. Where the wind goes rushing down the plains? My friend and I watched that movie many, many times when we were little. I remember 0 things from it, other than the name "Jeb."
    If you find any pirates, feel free to give them my email address.

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  7. The girls wrote you a letter and mailed it! and then I realized I hadn't written a thing so I popped by here to say hi and loved reading this. I need to take the girls dragon hunting more often. They were quite taken with the dragon encountered on your desert driving experience. We miss you!

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