Sunday, September 06, 2015

"Why do you have to have my rifle?" "I don't have a teddy bear."

 Wherein Jack was lazy and other things happened

 I caught a nasty cold. Those kind where you run a fever off and on, feel as if your head has grown ten times and is about to explode, and your throat hurts so much it feels as if your jaw is breaking. (Or in my case as if my teeth were being ripped out again.) Because of this I had to work late last night. (You all know it is true. Someone always knows when you're miserable and you want your bed and tea. They never have things planned when you're healthy and up for a challenge. Nope. In my case someone needed a babysitter because they were going to a wedding. The couple obviously planned their wedding on the day I was really sick.)

 When I got home late last night, and to bed - which was about two - I climbed in bed and crashed. I planned to visit my cousin today who was in town, then go to my friends' for dinner. I walked down to meet my cousin, shivered as we hung out on the beach for an hour, then came home and fell into bed. I gave up on dinner...and leaving the Flat in general. Instead I made something I call chili but which I shall never share with anyone because it is really just beans with some kind of chili flavor stuff, and watched TV shows all day. I'm feeling better now, I think the fever finally broke, drowned in tea and water. 

 Thankfully tomorrow is a holiday. And I don't have to go to work. I only have to go out and walk Dog, because she seems to think walks are a necessity. Might take my blender down to my friends' and see if they can help me get the lid off, since I somehow managed to get it stuck on. And I want a smoothie really bad.

 I went on a walk yesterday with Dog, and like the good person I am I locked the Flat. (Just in case my enemies find my address and felt like ransacking it.) I always take my key with me, but when I'm sick I forget things. All on the walk I just wanted to come back, eat some lunch, and rest before my long night of work. Instead, I got back and realized I was locked out.

 Annoyed, I called my land lady but she wasn't in. So I called my mum, because I felt like whining to someone. She suggested I try going in through the window. I didn't think I could because I had locked them when it got colder, then I remembered I had only locked one.

 Trying to act like I wasn't a thief, I pulled the screen off and slid the window open. There was a set back. The window is higher up than I am tall. I have no trouble, normally, acrobatic myself into places, but with everything aching from the cold, I couldn't manage it. Instead, I got the trashcan from the abandoned house in front of me and balanced on it. I thought I'd have to get in through the window somehow but instead was able to reach around and unlock the door.

 After I got down, and Dog got done laughing at me, I decided I'd leave said window unlocked from now on, just in case.

 That was this last week's mishap. The one before that happened when I got internet set up. Because I am me, and you all know somewhat what that means, before the man came to put it in I hid all incriminating items in my Flat. (Armbands I made for the Brothers-in-Arms trailer. Pocket knives. So forth.) I had made a Star of David, a big yellow star, with Jude on the front in bold black letters, for the trailer.

 Unfortunately I'd forgotten I'd set it on top of my globe.

 The globe the internet man had to move to set up his wires.

 He picked the globe up and carefully moved it, staring at the star the whole time. Then he glanced suspiciously at me - as he knelt in the middle of my somewhat girly looking Flat with my array of swords in the corner.

 He didn't say anything, but he didn't give up his suspicious glances. Because of that I decided not to explain myself but went and sat on my front porch and quietly played with Dog while sneaking sly glances back at him.

 I didn't frighten him off, shockingly. And I felt that by the time he left if we saw each other again we might even be able to strike up some kind of weird friendship. Like Lucy in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader when she saw the mermaid girl.

 And that was kind of...a...I don't know. My randomness. 

 If someone is bored tonight and wants to come get the lid off my blender I'd love you forever and give you a small island of your choice when I take over the world. Please hurry, it's been stuck for a couple weeks. And I. Want. A. Smoothie! I found a recipe which looks yummy.

 BY THE WAY! I've been on my own for about three weeks now. Three weeks of cooking my own meals without supervision. And....the Flat still stands! I deserve a metal, Evil Overlord or not.

 Oh yes, and the dog tag thing. (For those who have forgotten or didn't hear about this. My friend Phil and I have a theory that the soldiers only were able to keep their dog tags on because they are handsome. She and I are weird and instead of the best friend necklaces we have our nicknames stamped on dog tags. To prove our theory, we've been trying to see how long ours last before we lose them. She is obviously better looking than I am because I've already broken my chain about three times. One time I was crossing a river and got it caught on the handle bars of my bike.)
 Last night while I was making dinner I bent over to get the pan out of the oven. Somehow the bottom tag caught on something and when I stood up it snapped. The little chain fell into the oven, but the tag flew somewhere and completely vanished. Either it flew into a crack somewhere or went into dinner and someone ate it without noticing. Since I was babysitting you can see why I hope it went into a crack.

 Now I will leave you with a song and go and make some tea. I am going to try something insane. Go to bed early, sleep in late. Maybe sleep a whole seven hours. Push for eight. (Don't faint of shock.)

 I realized last week's song I'd already done. Sorry about that. This is why I shouldn't try and work two jobs and edit and write and play with Dog...

 Been told my a couple different people that this song fits Franz.

 Quote is from Hogan's Heroes, when LeBeau stole Shiltz's rifle and was hiding it under his blanket while he pretended to sleep.

 P.S. I am considering sharing the bloopers from the Brothers-in-Arms trailer this week



  1. Ooh, bloopers.

    I'm slightly addicted to bloopers.

  2. I would love to come fix your blender! I like fixing stuck things. I guess you could almost call it a slight obsession maybe? I happen to be rather contrary and stubborn.

  3. Sorry you got locked out. Hope you feel better today.

  4. I am so sorry, Jack. Yours has been quite the week, and I sincerely hope you get that eight hours of sleep and feel better. Don't push yourself too hard just because you're on your own -- that's a frequent mistake of girls, I think -- we don't know how to pace ourselves yet.
    Your adventures made me laugh, though. You are so good at writing! And I love the way you see the world and make me see it through your pen.
    Hope you have a great week!!!

  5. There's a Brothers-In-Arms trailer??? When did this happen? I go camping for one weekend... *shakes head*
    I thought for a moment that the song was by that guy who played Edward in Twilight. I was going to say that I didn't know he could sing, until I reread the name.

  6. Wow your life has been somewhat chaotic hasn't it. I hate getting sick, and then having to do things. It is one of the worst things. That awkward moment with the
    internet guy that made me laugh, my life is full of moments like that. I always find them amusing.

  7. I had to break an entering in my own place once, when I was young. Don't let my mother know that. Get to feeling better. :)

  8. I'm so sorry you've been sick, and got locked out. However, your window adventure brought back nostalgic memories (I used to lock myself out of my house on a regular basis, and the only way to get in was to climb up on the roof and jimmy open my brother's window and contort myself through it, all while hoping that nobody thought I was a thief (which was more likely because the window faced a parking lot where police cars liked to sit and keep an eye out for trouble-makers... of which I wasn't one, but always worried they might take issue with my method of getting into my own house... thankfully, no one ever seemed to notice) (or... not thankfully, because now I feel that perhaps someone ought to have noticed at some point, it was a fairly often occurrence, and apparently thieves could have been breaking in all over the place and nobody would have thought anything of it....) haha

    Hope you feel better soon!


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