Wednesday, April 20, 2016

"Talk! I know you can!" "Okay, okay." *Screams*

 Another list of things you didn't know about Jack.

 Not numbered because Jack is too lazy to number things.

 I only lock the dead bolt on my door when I am home. This is because when someone tries to break into my house they will end up trying to unlock the door lock and lock it instead. When they realized they have locked it they will go to unlock it, and then have to either unlock the dead bolt, or if they unlocked it and end up locking it again, they will have to unlock it again.
 By the time they figure out why they can't get in, after fiddling with both locks, I will have had time to get a frying pan and wait for them when they open the door.

 I carry gun powder in my messenger bag. I don't think I have to explain this, you can surely think up plenty of reasons why this would come in handy.

 If I am ever kidnapped, lost in the wild, strained on a desert island, decide to run away from home on the spur of the moment, or anything like that I will be prepared. Don't believe me, ask anyone who has peered into said messenger bag.

 I stuck bobby pins to all my hats, just in case I am ever handcuffed and have to pick the lock.

 My best friend has promised to tie my hands behind my back so I can practice getting out of the ropes,

 I plan to learn how to escape a zip tie.

 I know how to shoot various pistols, rifles, cross bows, and bows.

 I know how to break a person's knee, the proper way. If I were attacked that is the move I will try first, and if that fails I will do the eye poke. But I'd rather do the knee first because the idea of poking someone's eye disturbs me.

 I don't trust pepper spray since if the wind is blowing it could get into my own eyes. Give me a taser instead.

 I know how to set a broken leg in the wild with nothing more than some branches and a torn shirt.

 I also know how to fight off sharks.

 If these fighting methods fail I am not above using a book. I've learned that with hardback it is best to hit with the cover, and with paperback the spine. (I was a bad tempered little child and my brothers can testify to this....)

 And now you know...know what I'm not sure. But you know it.

 Quote is from Lilo and Stitch. 



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6 comments :

  1. You are awesome. That is all.

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  2. Ohmyword, you're brilliant and this is great. I was laughing so hard by the end of this. When I go overseas for my next spy mission, I want you with me.

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  3. AWESOME quote!

    It seems you are prepared for everything. Why aren't you a spy? Wait. *narrows eyes* Are you a spy?

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  4. So, remind me to never get in a fight with you. o.o

    ... Or that if I'm going to be deserted on an island, I should most DEFINITELY bring you along. :P

    // katie grace
    a writer’s faith  

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  5. Hmmm... indeed, your methods of handling intruders seems quite logical to me. *nods*

    And yes next time I schedule a trip to be deserted on an island I shall most certainly make sure to take you with me.

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  6. I see you like to be prepared. While I`m not as equipped as you, I always think worse case scenario, and I know a few moves.

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