Sunday, March 03, 2019

Honeest Thoughts

Wherein Jack had a thought.

 This has been on my mind for a while, I don't know if this is the right site to share it on or my project site. Maybe I will post it on both.

 I am surrounded by friends and family, my age and younger than me, getting married and having babies. Not that I am bitter about that fact. But what is it like to be 31 and not even be dating or even know anyone who has shown interest in me? 

 There is also the question I face very often. What if I am never healed to the point where I could date and marry and be a mom? I know, "Now, Jack, don't be dramatic." But this is a very real possibility for me. 

 So what should I do? What DO I do? I was upset at first. I've never been a romantic, but like most girls I dreamed of getting married and having my own family. I even have names for children should I have any and should my husband like the names too. But what if I never get to use them?

 I've heard so much advice written for single girls still waiting for their "Prince Charming."

 I will share my advice. Though mine is different than others and directed more toward advice to myself as I believe most of my readers will one day find themselves in relationships if they haven't already.

 It took me years to come to the realization I might not be able to marry, or have a relationship in marriage like others. That if I do marry it is going to look very different for me. I was angry when I realized this, angry and sad. I cried a lot and lost my temper a lot over things not involved with the issue.

 So what changed? Nothing really has. It still makes me sad and angry, though I've learned to control that anger and also the sorrow. (Basically I went through the stages of grief).

 What has helped me though is opening up about it. Talking with my best friend and my "sisters". And knowing my life isn't going to end because I might not be in a romantic relationship.

 I put more of my time and effort into my interests and callings from God and found peace there. I talked with another single girl who also may not ever marry. And I realized the relationship of a friend can be just as meaningful as that of a spouse. 

 Also I realized how much I have come to rely on Dog, my dear pet and gift from God.

 Some girls are called to a single life, but we live in a world where romance is shoved down our throats and shown that if one isn't in a romantic relationship they are less of a human. Are missing something vital.

 Am I opposed to romance? Of course not. I celebrate it with my friends. New babies, marriages, engagements. I am happy for them.

 But at the same time I have come to be happy where I am right now. God has given me tasks and I will accomplish them to the best of my ability. And if my single status changes then I know it is because God wills it. But until then I am truly happy.



  1. This is such a good post. And I relate to it so much ... I've always felt like I have to choose between my dreams or marriage, my beliefs or a relationship. And /that/ has made me angry, because I'd like to have both. For a time I was in a relationship and I thought maybe God was saying, "yes, I could have both." Of course, my dreams had back burner while I was in that relationship. But I had been okay with that. And then the relationship ended in such an awful way that left me devastated for months and I finally had to face the question of possibly being single forever and pursuing life regardless. It was long and hard, but today I can say with you that I am very happy. In fact I don't ever remember being so content where God has me. I'm not all that romantic myself, but yeah, I think most girls dream of having their own family. And that dream can be hard to lay to rest if it be God's will.
    Lovely post :)

  2. YES YES YES! I'm 26 and have never even gone on a single date, and basically no one has shown interest in me either. While all my friends got married super young and already have so many babies. And, due to health issues, I'm not sure if I can even have children. I definitely won't be able to have a lot. It's hard. So hard.

    But, literally in the past year or two, I've's okay. As I watch my friends with all their kids, sometimes I can't help but be grateful for the free time I have. XD DON'T GET ME WRONG. I absolutely would LOVE to have children one day. But, for this time in my life, I'm really grateful I have the freedom to pursue my writing career, to be free to do what I want, to just be ME.

    I LOVE what you said here: "We live in a world where romance is shoved down our throats and shown that if one isn't in a romantic relationship they are less of a human. Are missing something vital." UGH YES. IT'S SO TRUE. It's like you're nothing if you're not in a romantic relationship. But, like you said, friendship is just as beautiful!

    I used to FEEL like I was nothing because no one ever showed interest in me. But now I'm starting to realize how NICE it is to have gone through my teenage/early 20s years without all that dating drama basically everyone else experienced. I watch all these teens/young adults dating and there is SO much drama, and I am happily over here in my quiet life, blissfully avoiding it. Lol.

    Do I want to get married? ABSOLUTELY. Do I want kids? OF COURSE. But for now, in this time in my life, I'm suuuper grateful for all the free time I have. For having the opportunity to pursue my dreams unhindered. To be able to discover who *I* am without adding another person to the equation. And to enjoy the time of just God and me, because that is precious.

    It's probably cliche to say, but there really is something beautiful about singleness.

    This comment is becoming a monster, but I LOVED what you said, and it makes me so happy YOU'RE happy! Keep being amazing, Jack! <3

  3. We must always pray and asks God for his will. He will give us what we ask for if we believe he can ;). I have seen that. Hope you find his calling and maybe marry. It's never too late!

  4. (I don't think I've commented here before, but I'm friends with you on Goodreads, and I've occasionally read your posts for years.)

    Jack, thank you for writing this post and being honest. It always seems like there are so few of us who feel this way - but you aren't the only one. I love everything you said here. I've experienced the very realiztic fear that my health issues would prevent me from marriage and being able to handle children. It's been a few years, and I believe God will heal me (though i know that doesn't happen fpr everyone), but it's still hard to imagine a healthy future where I can have a family and mu chosen career.

    But even though I desire marriage and a children someday (if God gives them to me - it's not guaranteed for anyone), I don't want that now. I'm perfectly happy as a single young woman (though younger than you), and I'm glad I've always been single. There are many good things about it, and like you, I've found that companionship can come from family and friends - I don't have to be lonely.

    It often seems like I'm strange for feeling that way, cause most girls are longing for a husband at a very young age. So i appreciate you sharing this post. <3 You're doing great, and i love your mindset - though I'm sure it's not always easy. Praise God for helping you through your hardship.

  5. I always love posts that address this, there are tons of girls in their twenties and thirties struggling with singleness and it's nice know your not alone. So far I'm enjoying being single.


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